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| My final belly pic, 27 weeks...taken 6/30, the day before I cheked into the hospital |
The day I had Madden started out fairly normal. The hubs’ parents and our
good friends were going to come visit at some point. The hubs’ mom had a hair
appointment at 11am and said they’d be over after that. I assumed they’d be
here between 1-2pm. We made arrangements for our friends to come by around
3-4pm so they wouldn’t overlap and we could actually enjoy our time with the
friends. During the afternoon, our neighbors decided they were also going to
come by but they were bringing ice cream, so I allowed it.
As lonely as I was and as much as I wanted company, this was
all getting a little overwhelming. It’s exhausting to have people visit. I was
dreading having to entertain everyone.
The hubs also had to leave the hospital around 5pm. He was
spending the afternoon with me (and we thought visiting with his parents and
our friends) and he would head home to relieve my mom from Gavin duty.
Well, the hubs and I sat around all day waiting for his
parents. We called them at 1:30pm and they said they’d be here in an hour, they
were out shopping. We told our friends to come a little later as we were trying
to avoid the overlap. About 4:30pm the hub’s mom calls and says they’re on
their way. WTF!?! They were supposed to be here two hours ago (based on their
last call) and I had expected them three hours ago. I was beyond annoyed!!! All
the visitors were going to be here at the same time!!!
The neighbors (and the ice cream) got here first, around
5pm. Our friends got here next, around 5:15pm, the hubs left shortly after and the
ILs got here about 5:30pm (side note: when the hubs got off the elevator to
leave, he saw his parents checking in at the front desk so he ducked into the
bathroom to avoid them. Nice!!!)
The visit, although completely exhausting, wasn’t so bad. We all just sat around chatting.
I was getting really hot though. I assumed it was because there were so many
people in my damn room and they were using up all my precious a/c. Looking
back, I wonder if that was the beginning of my busy night.
The neighbors left about 7pm, the ILs at 7:15pm and the
friends stayed. It was nice to hang with them and catch up without juggling
everyone else too.
It was during this hour that I was starting to have more
contractions. It had been two hours since my last nyfetapine (a pill designed
to lower blood pressure but also calms smooth muscles, aka the uterus.) I was
normally getting 2-3 hours of “calm” after the nyfet. The contractions would
progressively increase until my next dose was due (six hours between doses.)
Since I was chatting with our friends, I wasn’t paying too
much attention to the frequency of the contractions. I knew they were picking
up but I wasn’t too concerned.
By 7:30pm, I noticed they were a little stronger than usual.
I wouldn’t call them painful but maybe just tighter. The nurse came in because
she noticed the frequency and wanted to check on me. She told me we’d start my
nightly NST a little earlier, around 8pm. I told our friends they’d need to
leave then so I could do the NST in peace.
Then I started texting…
7:16pm (to hubs) Your parents JUST left!!!
8:29pm (to hubs, bff and mom) 17 cx between 7-8pm
8:42pm (to hubs) Terb en route. Ugh!!! I’ll call you in a
bit.
*I noticed, but was possibly in denial a bit, that the
contractions were a little stronger. They weren’t necessarily painful but they
had more “umph” to them and I was feeling them very low, near my pubic bone.
9:34pm (to bff) Got another terb shot about 30 mins ago.
Threatening mag again if it doesn’t work. Ugh!!! Fingers crossed.
9:40pm
(from bff) Praying, the terb is rough. How are you handling it?
9:40pm (to bff) Fine. Still contracting. :’(
9:42pm (from bff) How far apart are
the cx?
9:42pm (to bff) 3-5
mins. I’m due for my nyfet in 15 mins. I’m going to see if they’ll let that
take effect before going straight to the mag.
9:47pm (to hubs) Wow wow wow! THAT one huuuuuurt!
9:49pm (to hubs) The nurse is coming
9:57pm (to hubs) 12 cx since the terb, she’s getting the
nyfet now
10:00pm (to hubs) / 10:02pm (to bff) I’m getting scared. Cx are starting to really
hurt.
*At 10pm they told me they were going to move me to L&D
(just down the hall) where they would be able to monitor me closer and start
the mag. I got up and started gathering things together. While I was up moving
around for those few minutes, I really
started to feel the contractions. They were actually painful and I was having
to stop to breathe through them.
10:02pm (to mom) 12 cx since the terb, she’s getting my
nyfet now. I’m getting scared. Cx are starting to really hurt.
10:04pm (from
hubs) Well let’s hope the terb kicks in with the nyfet
10:04pm
(from bff) Deeeeeep breaths. Try your hardest to relax! Start at your toes and work up to your legs.
10:04pm
(from mom) Do you want me to come down?
10:04pm (to mom) Not yet, waiting for the dr.
10:05pm (from
hubs) Do you want me to go to the hospital?
10:05pm (to hubs) Waiting for the dr. You might need to.
10:07pm
(from mom) Ok. Keep me posted. I can be there are soon as you want me to be. Or
I can stay with Gavin if you would rather have Jim there.
10:08pm (to mom) Moving to L&D.
10:09pm
(from mom) Ok. Let me know what you need from us. We are standing by.
10:11pm (to hubs) Going to L&D. Talk to mom. Someone
needs to come down here.
* I was in the wheel chair on my way to L&D when I sent
this. The walk is less than two minutes. By the time I got to my room, I was
having major contractions! I
couldn’t move or talk during them. The tightening was insane and the pain in
back was very reminiscent of the back labor I had with G. I was scared.
10:14pm (to hubs) Room 7
10:29pm
(from bff) How’s it going?
* They started me on the mag immediately. When I first
checked into L&D on 7/1, they had me on a mag dose of 3 (I don’t know the
measurement.) When things settled down they lowered it to 2 and when things
picked up a bit
they went up to 2.5.
When they hooked me up on Saturday (in labor) they started me on a 6!!! I’m not sure
if you remember but the mag side effects are brutal. Magnesium sulfate is a
muscle relaxer. You can expect to feel muscle weakness, lack of energy,
headache, nausea and vomiting, stuffy nose, blurry vision, slurred speech, and
flushing. The worst side effect, for me, and it comes on quickly and strong, is
the heat. I immediately feel like I’m cooking from the inside out. I get
HOOOOOOOTTTTT!!! When I was on a 3, earlier in the week, I felt pretty hot. I
needed ice packs to feel like I wasn’t baking. Put me on a 6, I thought I was
going to die.
The doctor came in to do an ultrasound.
I immediately heard her quietly say (to the other doctor,)
“bulging bag of waters.” I knew what that meant. She continued the u/s, she
needed to see the position of the baby. He was transverse. His head near my
left pelvic bone, hand/arm right above the cervix in the bulging bag of waters
and his feet on my right side. This meant, if/when my water broke, we’d risk
his umbilical cord falling out and him possibly suffocating should just body
shift down and put pressure on the cord.
She started talking to me about delivery. I was internally
panicking that they’d make me deliver vaginally and I was in A LOT of pain. The
back “labor” was intense. The contractions were back to back and lasted at
least a minute. If I had to have a c-section, it would most likely be a
“classical cesarean” which meant that the incision into the uterus would be
vertical.
10:31pm (to hubs, bff and mom) Bulging bag of waters. It’s
getting real. Mag started. Bed tilted to take the pressure off. Scared
shitless. Hurry.
*In addition to my own person hell feeling like I was
cooking, they tilted the bed at an angle towards my head to relieve the
pressure of the bulging bag of water.
10:31pm
(from bff) Is Jim headed there?
10:33pm (to bff) I hope so
10:33pm (from
hubs) On my way.
10:33pm
(from mom) Does that mean your water is about to break?
10:33pm (to mom) Yes
10:35pm
(from bff) Deeeppp breaths. Deeeep breaths. Try to concentrate on relaxing.
*The hubs walked in around 10:45pm. The neonatologist came in to
talk to us to see if we had any questions about delivering a baby at 28 weeks.
At 11pm, I felt a “pop.” The hubs says he heard it on the
monitor. It felt like when you’re walking about your knee pops, it sounded (on
the monitor) like flicking a watermelon. I felt a small amount of fluid. I told
the nurse, “I think my water just broke.” She swabbed but couldn’t determine if
the blood was from the bleeding I’ve been having forever or amniotic fluid and
blood. She called the doctor back in.
When the doctor came in this time, she was mentally prepping
me for a c-section (thank God!) and possibly an emergency situation where I’d
have to put under general anesthesia meaning I’d be completely asleep during
the birth of our second son. She told the nurse to page the anesthesiologist to
start my epidural. I was nervous about the epi because I was having such insane
contractions and I didn’t know how I’d be able to be still while they put it
in.
10:56pm
(from bff) LOVE YOU!!!
* At 11:10(ish,) while talking to the doctor, my water
broke. I felt a HUGE gush of fluid. The initial gush was the water, immediately
after that gush I felt another and I could tell that that gush was blood. It
was thicker and I could just tell. The doctor lifted my gown and calmly said,
“okay, bag of waters ruptured at 11 blah blah (whatever time it was,) there is
some blood in the fluid.” She was half talking to me and half to the nurse. I
then vividly felt at least one more gush.
I felt such a relief. The contractions stopped, or stopped
hurting at least. I was able to be very coherent for all that
followed.
The doctor needed to check my cervix and see if any part of
the baby was presenting itself. “The clot,” the subchorionic hematoma that had
been a part of me for months, came out. I saw the shadow of it as she picked it
up and moved it. I wanted to see it closer but I didn’t think it was the
appropriate thing at the time. I felt like I had seen it for so long on u/s
that I wanted to have the closure as we parted. Crazy? I know. I didn’t look at
the hubs directly but I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He’s not fazed
by blood and trauma (he makes a great firefighter!) but I could tell by the
face he was making that there was a lot of blood and he was scared.
Also, keep in mind, my bed is still tilted backward. Every
gush of fluid was running towards my head. I remember feeling it at my
shoulders.
She checked my cervix, I was dilated to 2cm. The nurse was
having trouble finding the baby on the fetal monitor. The doctor grabbed the
u/s machine to check. He was now head down but his heart rate had dropped,
drastically.
The doctor called out “CODE APGAR.” I didn't exactly know what it meant but I knew it was a very serious situation and the baby was in some sore of distress. It was like a "code blue" in the movies. Chaos insued. It was the most frightening experience ever. Immediately, alarms
started going off, doctors and nurses came out of nowhere, they started
wheeling me to OR. As they ran me down the hall a nurse lifted my gown and started shaving my nether regions with an electric razor. They told the hubs to wait and they’d come get him.
I got into the OR and it was madness. There were about a
dozen people in the room, they were all buzzing around with the feeling of
organized chaos. People we’re putting gowns and masks on as they were prepping
the room for surgery. I stared at the tiles on the ceiling begging with my eyes
to be put to sleep. I glanced at the clock. It was about
11:12.
I had the most amazing anesthesiologist. He was my angel. He
had his mask on already; I could only see his eyes. He got very close to me and, in the kindest voice, said, “I’m going to try
my best to tell you what’s happening but things are a little crazy in here, try
to be calm.” I thanked him. He put the oxygen mask on me. I thought it was the
meds to make me go to sleep. I started taking deeeeep breaths hoping I’d fall
asleep. I was shaking uncontrolably.
They poured the betadine on my tummy. It was cold and it ran
down my sides to my back. I saw a scalpel. I kept thinking, “I’m still awake!”
The anesthesiologist put my arms all the way out to my sides and strapped them
down. He said, “I know you’re scared. We’re going to take good care of you.”
They put up the curtain at my shoulders. I asked if they could put me to sleep
yet. I just wanted to be asleep. I have never been so frightened in my life.
People started saying, “I’m ready if you’re ready. I’m ready if you’re ready” all around the room. The
anesthesiologist told me he was going to give me the meds to put me to sleep. I
saw the clock, 11:15pm. I blinked three times.
I woke up in recovery at 1am, Sunday, July 8th. I
was more alert than I remember feeling after other surgeries. I just looked
around trying to get a grasp on what had just happened. About 20 minutes passed
before the hubs came in. I started to cry. He told me that he had been in the
hall when the NICU team ran out with Madden. The doctor called to the hubs as
they zoomed by that the baby was fine. That was all he had known about me and
Madden for two hours. Poor guy! He didn’t realize I was going under general
anesthesia and he wouldn’t be allowed in the room.
The doctor came and talked to us at about 1:40am. She told
talked to me about an abrupted placenta. We don’t know how it all went down but
basically the excess amount of blood that we saw when my water broke was because
my placenta had torn away from the uterus. What we don’t know, and may never
know, is what happened, in what order. Was my placenta at a constant state of
tearing throughout my pregnancy causing all of the bleeding, thus irritating
the uterus causing contractions? Or was the bleeding just random (SCH or from
baby A’s sac,) but irritating the uterus causing contractions, slowly detaching the uterus? Or, was the
abrupted placenta an acute happening that occurred in whole when my water broke
or soon before??? Regardless, there was an aprupted placenta and there was
nothing we could do to delay labor.
I also asked her about our daughter. Did she see her? She said she definitely saw and removed the extra placenta. There was "something" on the placenta that we know to be Baby A but she said it wasn't obvious that was another baby. She said it was just evidence of another baby. It was all sent to pathology.
When Madden was born, he came out crying. I still cry when I think about this. My tiny, 28 week old, fighter of a son, managed to cry. Thank God I got the steroid shots when I did. Obviously, they served their purpose.
On the way back to my room (the room I had been in for 6
days in the
ante partum unit,) they wheeled my bed by the NICU. I was able to
see our second born son for the first time. I sobbed. I didn’t know what to
expect and I was scared at what I was going to see. I imagined an alien looking
baby with super clear skin that you could see all the veins through. What I saw
was a perfect, yet tiny, newborn baby. His skin is pink, he has dark hair on
his tiny, round head. He has his daddy and big brother’s nose but seems to mostly
resemble me. He was some seriously large feet and long fingers, just like his
momma!
 |
Two days old
All stretched out, sleeping peacefully under the jaundice light |
We got back to the room at 3am. Oddly, I couldn’t sleep. I
had a fair amount of adrenaline running through my system and I was in a
descent amount of pain, despite the morphine pump I had in place. I spent my
time updating my amazing tweeps and catching up on what I missed while I was “away.”
I would doze off but jolt awake having horrible flashbacks. I’m pretty sure I’m
suffering from PTSD. I just can’t sleep easily but it makes sense since my mind
is just a mess. Between being away from G for a week, the emergency delivery in
the scariest fashion, the worry about Madden in NICU and the pain I’m
experiencing (physically and emotionally,) who could sleep?!?
I spoke to the doctor before I left the hospital about the
delivery. She told me what I mentioned above (about not ever really knowing the true cause of labor)
but she said that she knew my water breaking was imminent when she did the
first u/s. She didn’t know how much time we had but she knew it would be
happening. She said the thing that did shock her was the amount of blood.
I thanked her greatly. I trusted her wholeheartedly
throughout all the chaos and I never felt like she didn’t have it under
control. I was most definitely terrified beyond belief but I knew I was in good
hands. She did have to do a classical c-section. I will never be able to labor again, IF we have more children.
Contracting and laboring could cause my uterus to tear. They would perform an amniocentesis
at 36 weeks to determine if they can deliver the baby by c-section at that
point with or without a series of steroid injections. This vertical incision
c-section is no joke. (Note: my external incision is horizontal. From the outside, I had a normal looking c-section scar, its the internal scar that is different. I didn't realize the external scar would be traditional until I saw it the next day.)
My anesthesiologist came to see me the day after delivery. I
didn’t recognize him (since I only ever saw his eyes in the OR) but I started to cry as soon as he told me who he was. I
couldn’t thank him enough for his compassion. He said he figured I was scared
and he was just doing what he felt was right. I am so grateful for him! I don’t
know that he will ever know exactly how I feel about him but I tried to
explain.
I, obviously, have a lot of different emotions about all of
this. I’ll save that for another post though.
I appreciate all the support and prayers you’ve been offering
up for my family. I continue to need strength. Strength to watch my tiny, new
son endure things he shouldn’t have to, strength to know how to balance my time
with Gavin and time at the hospital, strength to heal and do all that I can to
make me better so I can be there for everyone else and strength to just do
everything that needs to be done. I’m pooped.
