I will be the first to admit there is nothing "sponataneous" about the conception of my children but assure you, there are very natural!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thank you Fertile Friend...
...for referring to your twins as "spontaneous" instead of "natural."
I will be the first to admit there is nothing "sponataneous" about the conception of my children but assure you, there are very natural!
I will be the first to admit there is nothing "sponataneous" about the conception of my children but assure you, there are very natural!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Going Big
There's going to some big changes happening up in here!
First, Miss(ed)Conception is now Infertile Momma. That's me, the Infertile Momma. It couldn't be more accurate. I'm also @InfertileMomma on Twitter now too.
Also, the amazing Suzy is an awesome blog designer and has designed me a fantastic new blog!!! That's going to be happening really soon.
I'm ready to embrace the "new blogger" in me and I hope you'll all stick around.
First, Miss(ed)Conception is now Infertile Momma. That's me, the Infertile Momma. It couldn't be more accurate. I'm also @InfertileMomma on Twitter now too.
Also, the amazing Suzy is an awesome blog designer and has designed me a fantastic new blog!!! That's going to be happening really soon.
I'm ready to embrace the "new blogger" in me and I hope you'll all stick around.
Our First Valentine's Day
{Let me just start this post by saying that it makes me ABSOLUTELY bonkers when people say ValentiMe's Day! Ugh!!! It send shivers down my spine.}
This year we celebrate our seventh Valentine's Day as a couple and our first as a family of three!
But, let me tell you about our first Valentine's Day...
February 14, 2005 - We'd been married a whole five weeks. We had only been together for six months before we got married so we hadn't even celebrated a V-Day together, at all. Now, I don't actually celebrate Valentine's Day. It's never been a big deal to me. I ask for a card with a little nice something written inside but no expensive gifts or flowers. I'd rather the hubs show that he loves me on a random day than on a day when he thinks he has to. This works for us. I don't knock others that do celebrate and it did kinda sucked to be at work when other people are getting flowers delivered but it works for us. {After I typed this, the hubs sent me a text saying that he got me a surprise because he loves me. Turned out to be a Power Bar!!! I've been "needing" one! He saw one where ever he was at and thought of me! Those are the kind of gifts I enjoy. It's not the cost or size, just the sentiment. I like to know he was thinking about me on a random Monday while he's running errands.}
Well, on this particular V-Day, I had promoted about seven months earlier to the most miserable office known to man! To this day, I would not go back there for a million dollars. Okay...well, a million bucks is a lot of dough...I'd consider it. It was an awful office and I worked with horrible people. They had recently done a reorg and that put me in a file room with the "crazy lady." Now, I use the term "crazy" pretty loosely but in this case, she really was!!!
This lady was convinced that "people" were watching her on her computer. Periodically, throughout the day, she'd open WordPad and frantically start typing to the "people" that she knew they were watching her. Seriously...she told me this! I saw her do it. That is just the beginning of the loony I had to endure. I won't get into it too much because that's not really what this post is about. Just, trust me, this office was TERR-I-BLE!!!
Not only was the office my own personal hell but it was located in the least convenient place possible. On a Saturday, I could get to the office in 30 minutes, tops. On a workday, it would take me an hour and 15 minutes, on a good day! The only thing I hate to do more than driving, is driving in traffic. An hour and 15 minutes in traffic is enough to make me cry, EVERY day!
On this particular day, it took me nearly TWO HOURS to get home. There was an accident, of course. I was literally in tears. I was frustrated. Miserable.
I knew that the hubs was already home. He had one of those jobs that didn't really have hours. He had a job to do and when it was done, he could go home. He had called me to tell me that he was having car troubles and we'd have to go out that night to get a new battery. He knew that I had the most horrendous day and drive. I secretly hoped that he had dinner started and maybe a nice evening planned (he's a romantic and the type to surprise me even though we don't celebrate.)
When I walked through the door...he was playing video games. With his friend. Lounging on the couch. Drinking beer.
I was livid.
I walked straight in, went to the bathroom and took my shower. In that shower, I criiiiiiiied.
I was so done with the drive and the job. And I'm a horrible person and didn't want to see my husband having a good time with his buddy when I was so miserable.
When I got out of the shower, the friend had left (so glad the hubs is smart enough) and the ILs were over!!! Yep, my ILs were there. I'd rather see the hubs playing games with his friend!!!
I should've been grateful because they had bought a new battery for the truck. We didn't need to spend the money or time. By the time they left it was 7pm. I didn't want to start dinner because I didn't have enough for them. Besides, dinner would've been ready (and cold) long before they left.
When the hubs came inside I suggested we order Chinese food from our favorite restaurant (that delivers) as a treat for the miserable day I had endured. Heck, I deserved it...and thankfully, he knew it!
That meal didn't get to us until after 9PM!!! I'm sure they were super busy (not that they told us that when we ordered) but I still wasn't happy when I shoveled cold Chinese food down my gullet at my bedtime.
It was quite a day and needless to say, we don't have any pictures of our first Valentine's Day.
The good news is, I knew it couldn't get much worse. And, it hasn't. We still don't celebrate V-Day but every year we reminisce about the first Valentine's Day we "celebrated" together.
This year we celebrate our seventh Valentine's Day as a couple and our first as a family of three!
But, let me tell you about our first Valentine's Day...
February 14, 2005 - We'd been married a whole five weeks. We had only been together for six months before we got married so we hadn't even celebrated a V-Day together, at all. Now, I don't actually celebrate Valentine's Day. It's never been a big deal to me. I ask for a card with a little nice something written inside but no expensive gifts or flowers. I'd rather the hubs show that he loves me on a random day than on a day when he thinks he has to. This works for us. I don't knock others that do celebrate and it did kinda sucked to be at work when other people are getting flowers delivered but it works for us. {After I typed this, the hubs sent me a text saying that he got me a surprise because he loves me. Turned out to be a Power Bar!!! I've been "needing" one! He saw one where ever he was at and thought of me! Those are the kind of gifts I enjoy. It's not the cost or size, just the sentiment. I like to know he was thinking about me on a random Monday while he's running errands.}
Well, on this particular V-Day, I had promoted about seven months earlier to the most miserable office known to man! To this day, I would not go back there for a million dollars. Okay...well, a million bucks is a lot of dough...I'd consider it. It was an awful office and I worked with horrible people. They had recently done a reorg and that put me in a file room with the "crazy lady." Now, I use the term "crazy" pretty loosely but in this case, she really was!!!
This lady was convinced that "people" were watching her on her computer. Periodically, throughout the day, she'd open WordPad and frantically start typing to the "people" that she knew they were watching her. Seriously...she told me this! I saw her do it. That is just the beginning of the loony I had to endure. I won't get into it too much because that's not really what this post is about. Just, trust me, this office was TERR-I-BLE!!!
Not only was the office my own personal hell but it was located in the least convenient place possible. On a Saturday, I could get to the office in 30 minutes, tops. On a workday, it would take me an hour and 15 minutes, on a good day! The only thing I hate to do more than driving, is driving in traffic. An hour and 15 minutes in traffic is enough to make me cry, EVERY day!
On this particular day, it took me nearly TWO HOURS to get home. There was an accident, of course. I was literally in tears. I was frustrated. Miserable.
I knew that the hubs was already home. He had one of those jobs that didn't really have hours. He had a job to do and when it was done, he could go home. He had called me to tell me that he was having car troubles and we'd have to go out that night to get a new battery. He knew that I had the most horrendous day and drive. I secretly hoped that he had dinner started and maybe a nice evening planned (he's a romantic and the type to surprise me even though we don't celebrate.)
When I walked through the door...he was playing video games. With his friend. Lounging on the couch. Drinking beer.
I was livid.
I walked straight in, went to the bathroom and took my shower. In that shower, I criiiiiiiied.
I was so done with the drive and the job. And I'm a horrible person and didn't want to see my husband having a good time with his buddy when I was so miserable.
When I got out of the shower, the friend had left (so glad the hubs is smart enough) and the ILs were over!!! Yep, my ILs were there. I'd rather see the hubs playing games with his friend!!!
I should've been grateful because they had bought a new battery for the truck. We didn't need to spend the money or time. By the time they left it was 7pm. I didn't want to start dinner because I didn't have enough for them. Besides, dinner would've been ready (and cold) long before they left.
When the hubs came inside I suggested we order Chinese food from our favorite restaurant (that delivers) as a treat for the miserable day I had endured. Heck, I deserved it...and thankfully, he knew it!
That meal didn't get to us until after 9PM!!! I'm sure they were super busy (not that they told us that when we ordered) but I still wasn't happy when I shoveled cold Chinese food down my gullet at my bedtime.
It was quite a day and needless to say, we don't have any pictures of our first Valentine's Day.
The good news is, I knew it couldn't get much worse. And, it hasn't. We still don't celebrate V-Day but every year we reminisce about the first Valentine's Day we "celebrated" together.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Music to my ears!
Ultrasound number two was a success...times TWO!!!
 |
| Baby 1/A on top, Baby 2/B on bottom |
We heard the beautiful sound of TWO heartbeats!
.jpg) |
| Baby 1/A: 111bpm |
.jpg) |
| Baby 2/B: 124bpm |
Music to my ears!!!
I'm so grateful that the RE knows his stuff and was able to spot two beating hearts within seconds of starting the ultrasound.
So, while all went very well, I'm still very apprehensive. Cautiously optimistic but hopeful (I feel like I've already said this a million times.)
Our next ultrasound is on the 27th (the day before G's FIRST birthday!!!) I'll be 9w2d pregnant. This is right around the time that we learned that our last baby no longer had a heartbeat. That makes me nervous, of course, but I'm pushing it out of my mind.
The next few weeks should zoom by. I've got lots of party planning to do and I'm pretty exhausted. A few people have been asking how I'm feeling. Well... exhausted, nauseous and so grateful pretty much cover it!!! I wouldn't trade this for the world!
Monday, February 6, 2012
An Emotional Day
It started Thursday.
We were out of town for the busy week. It was very little at first but...there was blood.
Fresh, new pink blood.
At first, I was a little shocked but I let it go. Some women bleed during pregnancy. I wasn't cramping and it wasn't consistent...yet.
It continued throughout the day but was still pretty mild.
Friday morning (the day of the hubs' graduation,) there was nothing mild about it. It was red, blood red! I sobbed. Movie-type bawling.
I knew what was happening but I hoped I was wrong.
As the day progressed, it got worse, much worse. Then the cramps came. I could barely stand up straight. I felt like I wanted to throw up. I don't know if it was the horror of what was happening that made me feel sick or the pregnancy hormones still swimming through my body. By the afternoon, there were clots. I was certain.
I called the RE's office. He told me to continue all my meds, rest, no walking, no heavy lifting and he'd see me tomorrow.
I lost it! I couldn't hold back the tears. My mom held me and cried with me. I texted the besty and told her it was the beginning of the end and I didn't think I could do this again. It hurt. In my stomach and my heart. I texted the hubs to let him know as well. I told him I was sorry. Sorry I was doing this to him again.
By the end of the day, I had come to terms with it. It was happening. I asked for prayers but I was just praying for peace at that point. I was mentally trying to figure out when we'd go to the ER for the D&C since Saturday was the hubs' graduation party.
The graduation came and went (I'll post more about that in another post.) People kept asking me if I felt okay. I didn't. I felt physically ill and heart-sick.
We decided to head home that night. We drove an hour and a half at 10pm. At some point during that car ride of tears I started begging God for a miracle. If He can part the Red Sea and turn water into wine, he could easily save our baby.
Saturday was our ultrasound. Silent tears of fear streamed down my face during the 30 minute car ride to the RE.
I fought the tears while I waited in the waiting room. The nurse asked me if I was okay. Nope.
I didn't even look at the monitor during the ultrasound. I couldn't.
Then...he said it.
"There's a heartbeat."
There is? (said through tears)
"And here's the second sac."
Two? (gasp)
I cried. Tears of relief. Tears of a miracle.
One baby was measuring a day or two behind and didn't have a heartbeat yet. I was only 6 weeks along so I'm hoping it was just too early.
I'm sure I'm selfish for hoping for two heartbeats. I should just be grateful one had a heartbeat. But, I'm hoping for both.
The bleeding was caused by a subchorionic hematoma. The RE speculates that the third embryo implanted but didn't make it. The bleeding has stopped and there's a small pool of blood in the uterus that the RE says will clear up on its own. He says it will not harm the other two sacs.
Obviously, I'm beyond grateful that there is even one healthy baby in there. Two sends me over the moon!!! I'm praying that they both have nice, strong heartbeats next week. We have another ultrasound on Saturday at 7 weeks pregnant.
I'm also grateful to know that there is an explanation for the bleeding and that it stopped!
So, if you will, pray with me. Hope with me. We've already seen one miracle. Maybe Saturday we'll see the second beating miracle.
Thank you all for the Twitter love and support. Even when I didn't have any hope, you all did and I appreciate every bit of that.
We were out of town for the busy week. It was very little at first but...there was blood.
Fresh, new pink blood.
At first, I was a little shocked but I let it go. Some women bleed during pregnancy. I wasn't cramping and it wasn't consistent...yet.
It continued throughout the day but was still pretty mild.
Friday morning (the day of the hubs' graduation,) there was nothing mild about it. It was red, blood red! I sobbed. Movie-type bawling.
I knew what was happening but I hoped I was wrong.
As the day progressed, it got worse, much worse. Then the cramps came. I could barely stand up straight. I felt like I wanted to throw up. I don't know if it was the horror of what was happening that made me feel sick or the pregnancy hormones still swimming through my body. By the afternoon, there were clots. I was certain.
I called the RE's office. He told me to continue all my meds, rest, no walking, no heavy lifting and he'd see me tomorrow.
I lost it! I couldn't hold back the tears. My mom held me and cried with me. I texted the besty and told her it was the beginning of the end and I didn't think I could do this again. It hurt. In my stomach and my heart. I texted the hubs to let him know as well. I told him I was sorry. Sorry I was doing this to him again.
By the end of the day, I had come to terms with it. It was happening. I asked for prayers but I was just praying for peace at that point. I was mentally trying to figure out when we'd go to the ER for the D&C since Saturday was the hubs' graduation party.
The graduation came and went (I'll post more about that in another post.) People kept asking me if I felt okay. I didn't. I felt physically ill and heart-sick.
We decided to head home that night. We drove an hour and a half at 10pm. At some point during that car ride of tears I started begging God for a miracle. If He can part the Red Sea and turn water into wine, he could easily save our baby.
Saturday was our ultrasound. Silent tears of fear streamed down my face during the 30 minute car ride to the RE.
I fought the tears while I waited in the waiting room. The nurse asked me if I was okay. Nope.
I didn't even look at the monitor during the ultrasound. I couldn't.
Then...he said it.
"There's a heartbeat."
There is? (said through tears)
"And here's the second sac."
Two? (gasp)
I cried. Tears of relief. Tears of a miracle.
One baby was measuring a day or two behind and didn't have a heartbeat yet. I was only 6 weeks along so I'm hoping it was just too early.
I'm sure I'm selfish for hoping for two heartbeats. I should just be grateful one had a heartbeat. But, I'm hoping for both.
The bleeding was caused by a subchorionic hematoma. The RE speculates that the third embryo implanted but didn't make it. The bleeding has stopped and there's a small pool of blood in the uterus that the RE says will clear up on its own. He says it will not harm the other two sacs.
Obviously, I'm beyond grateful that there is even one healthy baby in there. Two sends me over the moon!!! I'm praying that they both have nice, strong heartbeats next week. We have another ultrasound on Saturday at 7 weeks pregnant.
I'm also grateful to know that there is an explanation for the bleeding and that it stopped!
So, if you will, pray with me. Hope with me. We've already seen one miracle. Maybe Saturday we'll see the second beating miracle.
Thank you all for the Twitter love and support. Even when I didn't have any hope, you all did and I appreciate every bit of that.
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