First, thank you to whoever (whomever?) submitted me for LFCA. It is sweet that someone wanted to bring me even more support and encouragement when I need it the most. THANK YOU!!!
Last night/early this morning was rough.
I didn't fall asleep until 11pm last night, which is VERY late for me. Something startled me awake at midnight. I don't know if there was a loud noise or I felt pain but I jolted awake. Within seconds, I felt a large gush.
I lept (leaped?) up and "ran" to the bathroom. When I got there I saw that my undies and pants were saturated with blood. I was very disoriented and stunned. Blood was trickling into the toilet. This pregnancy has been a bit of drama so I wasn'tfreaking out at that moment. I cleaned up, redressed and put on a pad.
As I'm walking back to the bedroom, I see blood...everywhere! Literally, drops on the floor, finger prints on the light switches, splattered (seriously, a three foot long splatter) blood on the wall and washing machine. I have NO CLUE how it could look like a murder scene in the hall when I was wearing underwear and pants. I was so confused and still don't have an explanation for it.
I cleaned it all up and went back to bed. As I laid in bed contemplating the seriousness of the situation, I started having cramps in my lower abdomen and back. They came in waves and I started to worry that they were contractions.
I began to wrap my head around the happenings. Was that initial gush Baby B's water breaking? Was my body trying to miscarry her...and possibly her twin too?
After about 15 minutes I felt another gush and went to the bathroom to see that I had soaked through the pad. I decided this was serious and I needed to go to the ER.
I'm so grateful we live with my parents. I woke them up. My mom came to sleep in our place to be close to G and my dad drove me to the hospital. The hubs is at work until sometime today.
To shorten the story, they did an ultrasound in the ER. Both babies have beating hearts. While I am overjoyed that Baby A is still doing well. I was shocked to see that Baby B's tiny, broken heart is still beating.
We're assuming that the bleeding is caused by a blood vessel since my uterus is still growing to accommodate two babies. This is very common.
Now tomorrow we see the perinatologist for "the" u/s to determine the next step for the babies. I was so certain that our daughter was already resting peacefully in heaven that I haven't allowed myself to think about what the specialist is going try to convince us. They want us to terminate Baby B immediately. While I know this is best for her and also her twin, I'm not sure I can ask them to stop her heart. I'm having a hard time with this both emotionally and morally. If it was up to pure logic, I wouldn't hesitate.
In the ER, I worried that both babies were going to miscarry and I was thinking how that could've been different if I had terminated two weeks ago when they first brought it up. If we continue to wait for her to die naturally and she miscarries, taking Baby A with her, I'm not sure I'll forgive myself.
So that's the most recent update.