First, the besty’s impending move is killing me. She was with me for my FET bed rest but had to leave early because her kiddos got a stomach bug. We had a whole weekend planned where my hubs would be home and her hubs would come out our way and we’d all have a nice “family” weekend – the last weekend we would all be together. Well, she had to take care of her sickies (which ended up spreading throughout their entire household. Ick!) I was going to go to their house for the week but I’m too nervous. I most definitely don’t want to risk me or G getting sick. I’m pretty sure the stomach flu is not good for a potentially pregnant woman. Anyway, this was my last chance. Next week the major packing begins, her mother is flying out and in just three short weeks, they hit the road. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am still very happy for all the amazing things that will be going on in their lives BUT it still sucks!!! Sucks big, huge, sweaty bawls!
Then, I read the most heart-wrenching story yesterday. I’m going to link up to it but only because I know the family needs some prayers. But I warn you, if you’re feeling exceptionally emotional DO NOT read this story. I wish I had known. He had a horrible disease that ultimately took his life. Basically his mommy couldn’t love on him and hug on him like most mommies get to. It just tore me to pieces. I can’t imagine not being able to kiss Gavin whenever I want or squeeze his chubby little thighs. It just breaks my heart. I don’t take my family’s health for granted. If I did before, I certainly don’t after reading about Tripp. He went to a better place last week. A place where he can be snuggled all the time and he’s no longer in pain. I held Gavin a little longer last night before I put him to bed as tears streamed down my cheeks.
I’ve also been going through pics for G’s first birthday slide show. Ugh! How is he already turning one!?!? I am so happy that he’s growing and thriving (did I tell you he’s walking?!? Walking at 10 months!!!) but I just want him to stay my baby forever. He’s starting to show more of his independence and squirming away from me when there’s something more interesting to see. I try not to get frustrated when he just wants me to carry him. My days of carrying him are numbered. I knew he was going to grow up, I just didn’t know it was going to happen so soon.
Yesterday… I tested. Yep, five days before beta. After my fresh cycle IVF (with Gavin) I was able to get the slightest, faintest second line five days before beta. Yesterday…there was most definitely, nothing. Nada! I’m not sure if the timing is different for frozen transfers. I’m trying not to getting to caught up in it but UGH!!! There is a very good chance that this might not work. I’m pretty good at staying positive with my words (‘when’ this works, not ‘if’) but this was just a big smack into reality.
So, all of this is happening at once. I’m an emotional, hormonal, blubbering mess of a fool. Pardon the tear stained post.