Onto 2012

I wanted to do a recap post when I started reading everyone else's but then the time escaped me and now we're nearly a week into the new year.

I just sat here for an hour reading my blog so that I can reference posts as I recap 2011.

Unfortunately, this year is full of so many emotions that reading all of it was getting me worked up.

Enduring fourth degree tearing at delivery, having a newborn, trying so hard to breastfeed and pump, mastitis, eventually quitting breastfeeding and feeling the insane guilt...all started the year off with what should've been a great start.

Reading what the first few months of parenting brought me makes me feel crazy for pursuing FET. I can't believe I want another baby!!!

Luckily, everything above passed. The exhaustion is minimal, my son is thriving without breast milk, he's walking (!!!) and napping regularly...I'm doing it!!! I'm surviving motherhood.

May through September was awesome! I started to really enjoy my son once I stopped fighting with my boobs and he started acting more human. Smiling, laughing, and recognizing me, made all the strife worth it.

August is when we found out about our miracle baby #2! We were so excited throughout September and some of October, except it all came to a crashing halt on October 15th when we learned that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. D&C ensued. That was probably the worst part of the year.

I'd like to say that all the good outweighed the bad but I feel like the bad has so many emotional ties that it's a little hard for me to say that. The highs were so high (becoming a mom, baby #2...) and the lows were SO low (breastfeeding struggles, mastitis, miscarriage...!)

Now that I'm "healing" from the loss, I'm enjoying motherhood again. G is walking!!! Walking people!!! Four days after his 10 month birthday, my son started walking! He's learning to give hugs and he's mastered waving and kisses (well, opening his mouth to accept them.) I'm loving life again and so grateful for it!

So, overall, 2011 ended on the right foot. I really feel like I'm ready for change in 2012. I'll be doing a 2012 Goals post soon.

*Currently: We're in limbo-land for FET. I had a lining check yesterday and my lining is less than we expected. Also, there was a large follicle he was watching and it might've ovulated (which would explain the lining.) He drew blood to see. I'm waiting for the call this morning to let me know if I did ov. If I did, we cancel and try again next month. If I didn't, he wants to bump everything back three days. Unfortunately, this makes it way more complicated to be on bed rest. I was going to have transfer on a Friday so the hubs could be home to watch G, besty was going to come and help out also. If I do transfer on Monday, hubs will be back at the academy and my mom will have to take time off of work to help me out. I'm hoping I really did ov and I don't have to make any decisions. We just postpone. I'm leaning towards waiting until next month regardless but it'll just be easier if my body made that decision for me.*