The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Becoming a mom has rocked my world in many ways.

My smiley four (!!!!) month old

The good...

I have the most perfect, adorable, wonderful baby EVER! I'm aware that I'm slightly biased but I'm okay with that. His smiles and laughs melt my heart. Sometimes I'm surprised that I don't hurt him because I hug him so tight much!

When I walk into the room, he lights up! His smile takes over his entire face and my heart melts...once again!

I love being home with him everyday!!! I can't imagine missing anything.  Although I do feel like being home with him everyday is a gift, it is a huge sacrifice. We are not independently wealthy. We are just able to live off 1/3 of our usual income so that I can stay home.

Like father, like son

I love that Gavin looks so much like his daddy! People constantly comment that it's obvious that the hubs is his daddy because he looks so much like him. It doesn't bother me much one bit that he looks more like the hubs than me.

I love that having a baby has brought out a totally different side of my husband. I tell my husband that he is the "emotionless wonder." It's no surprise since he was raised by two of the least emotional/affectionate people known to man (the first time he ever saw his parents kiss was on their 30th anniversary, and it was a very boring peck on the lips, not even accompanied by a hug!) I love seeing the hubs loving on the baby and having so much pride in him. I thought I might be jealous that he'd show the baby more attention than me but it's not the case at all. I love it!!!

Chewing on his hands!
(His shirt says "Awesome Like Mommy!)

I love the smell of the baby's hands. Yes, I know that probably sounds creepy. He's chewing on them like crazy lately and they just smell like him. I can't really describe the smell but it's just his smell.

The bad...

I'm exhausted...all the time. I assume that I'll get used to it when I have a solid routine but in the mean time, I'm not feeling very human all the time.

Memorial Day 2011

I might have completely ruined my child already. I hold him - a lot!  I hold him while I put in my contacts, brush my teeth, switch the laundry from washer to dryer... Now, he doesn't deal well with being put down. I honestly think he's bored when I put him down. He's too used to seeing what I do and I talk to him ALL the time, he's bound to be bored when I set him down. (I have very few pics of me actually holding him since I'm usually taking the pics so if I really do ruin him, there's no proof!)

I hate being away from him but I need some time for myself. I dream of going to dessert with my girlfriends once a month. When it's here, I dread going. I hate getting home when he's in bed. I fully enjoy my time away but sometimes it hurts, in the pit of my stomach, to be gone.

The ugly...

My sweet two month old
baby boy in his bassinet
where he slept until last week

I'm dreading putting him in his own bed, in his own room. Up until this week, he's been in his bassinet, literally right next to my side of the bed. When he stirs in the middle of the night, I just reach over and pat his tush. This week, I set up the pack n' play on the wall, two feet from my side of the bed. Now, when he stirs, I rarely hear him and he manages just fine (he's sleeping 8:30-5:30, eating, then sleeping 6-8ish consistently.) Nevertheless, having him down the hall, in his own room, in a big baby bed makes me cringe. We have two video monitors and a third on the way. I'm not sure which will work best so I got them all. I'll return the ones I don't like.

Nobody really talks about how rough that first six weeks after having a baby really is. I'll be the first to admit, I had it much harder than many others but I still feel that I was not adequately warned. My body ached-- head to toe-- for at least three months. My nether regions are only now just beginning to feel normal (or at least their new normal, which is plenty good considering what they endured.) My b00bs took on their own zip code, and I'm all about a huge rack, but even I was overwhelmed. And now...let's not even talk about what they look like now. Ugh!

Crappy cell phone pic of us in
 the mirror. He was in the Mo.by to
help me vacuum and mop.
 I told you I hold him ALL the time.

Now, my body is a hot mess. I'm down to my post-IVF weight (162 pounds down from 207 pounds at delivery) but my pre-pregnant clothes still aren't fitting. The scale says the same number but my body parts are definitely not in the same places they used to be. I honestly do not recognize the person I see in the mirror. It's very odd.

All this said, I wouldn't change one second of it. I have the most amazing gift. Gavin is everything I had hoped he'd be, and even more. Of course, having him, just makes me want more! I can't wait to be pregnant again and have another perfect baby. I can only hope to receive another blessing.

Speaking of, we made an appointment with the RE to discuss doing a FET. Not sure when we'll turn that corner but I need to know what we're up against and then decide.