WTF?!?!

I’ve been going back and forth on whether I would actually make this a post or not. My logical side tells me I’m being ridiculous and that I shouldn’t get all riled up in a post. But…my emotional side (which is ruling my life at the moment) decided that I need to let it out or I’d go mad.

I haven’t talked too much about my ILs here. I did mention the one story about how my FIL told me that no grandchild of his would be born using an epidural (go ahead, read it) but that is really just the tip of the iceberg.

My ILs are overly opinionated (this is including my SIL.) They basically believe that the choices they’ve made or the ideas they have are right. Period. Everything else that differs from that, is wrong. My MIL had her two kids drug free, so that’s just the right way and everyone should do it that way.

This story is mainly about my SIL so let me tell you about her. She is one of those people that didn’t get nearly enough attention in her life while growing up. Now, to get her attention, she gets pitiful. I don’t even think there’s a word enough to describe the pitifull-ness. A few years back, my family, my ILs, and some of our friends went on a cruise. Each night we talked about our day and laughed and had a blast. She sat at the table sulking until someone said “What’s wrong?” Then she’d say, “Oh, nothing.” Until someone would drag it out of her. I DO NOT do well with this character trait. I just don’t care enough to drag it out of you. No thanks!

After the hubs and I were married I went above and beyond to make nice with her. I wanted her to be normal. I wanted her to play well with others so we could spend time with her. I really did try. Unfortunately, in addition to being pitiful, she’s also a drama queen. She can’t stand it when there’s no drama, and guess what? She’s always the victim. Always! I could write on and on about this…but I’ll spare you.

The most recent nonsense…her wedding. It started with the ring. I have a beautiful pear shaped diamond engagement ring. I love it!!! I don’t see many pear shaped diamonds. Well you better believe the &itch got a pear shaped diamond ring. When I saw it, I gasped! I said “it looks just like mine!” Because, it did!!! I asked her, “what made you get a pear shaped diamond?” She said, and I quote, “Because I wanted something unique that no one else had!” At this point, I’d been sporting my ring for over three years. Bull$hit you didn’t know I had it! I was livid. It just got worse from that point. My ILs had fallen into hard time and couldn’t afford to pay 100% for her wedding (she was 31.) She literally threw a fit until my MIL borrowed from her retirement, without my FIL knowing, and gave her $20,000! Then at the wedding, someone came up to my MIL and had the nerve to tell her she should be ashamed of herself for promising to pay for SIL’s wedding and not. WTF?!?! She did!!! But this just means that SIL was bad mouthing the ILs to outsiders and enough to make them want to comment to MIL. In-sane!!! In addition to the fact that my ILs gave her $200,000 so that she could buy a house a few years back. She couldn’t qualify for a loan that big so they gave her the money. Seriously, WTF?!?

So there’s a little background. I can’t fit all the stories into a post so just know that I’m giving you a tiny glimpse into my world.

Now…my ILs know nothing about our TTC journey. They don’t even know that we’ve been trying at all. As I mentioned, they have too much ignorant opinion and I can’t handle it.

SIL calls the hubs this weekend and tells him he’s going to be an uncle. I about fell out of my seat…once I stopped crying (I cried harder than I’ve cried in a very long time.) You’ve got to be joking!!! Her and her hubby have been married a little over a year. They said that they were going to start trying two years from now for financial reasons. They weren’t trying but they weren’t preventing it either. Blah blah blah. Here’s the kicker…she’s due 12 days before me!!! Seriously, what kind of cruel joke is this?!?! We wait almost fours years into our marriage to even start TTC, then spend two years waiting to see the BFP and she still manages to one-up me?!?! I think the worst part was that the hubs didn’t understand why it upset me so much. I’m glad that me being pregnant erases all the pain from the past two years for him but it didn’t do the same for me.

Here’s my thoughts…I’m jealous that it happened so easy for her. I feel like she didn’t ‘earn’ it. I feel like everyone is going to be equally excited for both of us but they should be more excited for me because this is HUGE for us. I would’ve been pregnant before her if that stupid cyst hadn’t delayed IVF by two months. Why is this part of the journey that God wants me on? What I am supposed to learn from this?! I WILL NOT be having a joint baby shower. There will be NO belly-to-belly shots of the pregnant SILs during the holidays. I know she’s going to be a major drama queen about how horrible her m/s is or how bad her back hurts and I will be silent because I’m not the whiney type. There will absolutely not be any matching baby outfits. I know that I shouldn’t care that she’s pregnant at all. I’m pregnant and her life doesn’t affect mine. I need to find a way to not be so angry and bitter…its bad for me and MY baby! Apparently, being pregnant doesn’t change the infertile’s brain. Thank God I’m pregnant too or this post would be even longer. I don’t even want to tell the ILs that I’m pregnant. I think I could get away with that if we moved…far away. Maybe I’ll just show up to dinner one night with a baby and say “Oh you didn’t know we had a baby? Weird.”

Ugh…

Please don’t try to tell me that I shouldn’t care. I really do know how I should feel. Right now, I just want everyone to tell me that she’s a wretched person and I’m totally justified for feeling the way that I do. Thanks in advance.

The greatest moment yet!!!

Sorry it’s been such a post drought. Everything is going wonderfully. I think there’s still a small part of me that doesn’t want to get too attached to this pregnancy (even though it’s far too late.) Bad things happen to good people all too often. So I think I’ve been hesitating to post. And I know I also want to spare the feelings of those still on the TTC train. Aside from all that, I totally have prego brain. Just typing this far feels like a great accomplishment. I can’t believe I’ve managed to make multiple complete sentences!

Now, onto the greatest moment yet…

Yesterday we had our third ultrasound. Even at this point, it still totally feels surreal. Here’s the chart with the stats from the past three u/s…

7/22/10      6 weeks, 3 days     3.7mm      124bpm
7/29/10      7 weeks, 3 days     13.2mm    158bpm
8/10/10      9 weeks, 1 day       28mm      177bpm

So everything is progressing awesomely!!! I couldn’t be happier! I was in awe that the baby actually looked like a baby at this u/s. We saw the arms, legs, beginnings of fingers and toes, the brain hemispheres, a jaw and an elbow. So amazing!

The greatest moment was when we saw the baby moving!!! I was shocked! It was the first moment, during an u/s, when I got teary eyed. Before this, I just believed the RE when he said that the tiny blob I was staring at was a baby. I knew he was right but it didn’t look like much more than a cute little blob. Seeing/hearing the heartbeat was really the only thing that made the blob more ‘real.’ But yesterday, seeing all those limbs moving around was just…surreal. It really is a real life baby (although slightly alien-ish!)

At one point the baby has its legs open and we got a nice view of what is growing between them. It was without a doubt what looked JUST like a penis!!! I yelled, “Is that a wiener?” So classy, right? The doctor said, “Well, it’s really early but if I had to make a determination, I’d say that is the beginnings of a penis.” We promised we wouldn’t hold him to it since it is so early but we’re crossing our fingers that he’s right.

The hubs and I left the appointment elated. We talked about it for the entire hour car ride home. I seriously don’t think the words I’m typing do justice to the amazing feeling I had leaving that appointment.

The RE told me to make an appointment with an ob/gyn (hmm, guess I’ll have to get one of those) and schedule the nuchal translucency tests. We decided to keep up with the PIO injections and estrogen pills until Saturday, then Monday I’ll go in for blood work. If the placenta is producing enough hormones itself, then I’ll stop altogether. My next, and final, u/s with the RE is scheduled for 8/24.

He also gave me a prescription for Zofran. I’ve had a couple of really rough days that have kept me out of work. It’s not consistently horrible but I like the idea of having the option should I decide that I really can’t handle the nausea and vomiting on a particular day. Other than that, I’m doing pretty well. I’m still totally in shock but I think it’s becoming more real each day that passes.