Out of the closet...

I’ve decided its time to come out of my blog closet. No, not to the IRL folks, but to you. Until now, I’ve been somewhat anonymous. I fear my IRL friends finding my blog and having to justify my feelings. My bloggy buddies (that’s you!) get it. You get me and my feelings (no matter how irrational they really are.) But now, as I'm venturing onto IVF, I’m going to need extra prayers and support.

Personally, I find that it’s easier to offer prayers and support to someone when I have a face to go with a name. For that reason, I’m coming out of my blog closet. Its something I’ve thought about often and at this big turning point in our lives, I’m ready. So, this is me (and the hubs)…

*I'm not even going to lie. This is the most real picture of me! I contemplated posting a picture of the hubs and I on formal night on our cruise in January but its really not a true representation of me. I'm a pretty plain Jane sort. I rarely wear make up and I'm usually rockin' a pony tail so the formal pic of me (although possibly a better pic) is not really me but this is pretty close.*

Although, I am very grateful for the opportunity we have to pursue IVF much sooner than we had imagined (thanks to grandma,) I’m approaching this very guarded. I hope from the depths of my being that this works but I know that it doesn’t always work (even if the hubs “has a good feeling about it.”) I will be asking for many prayers and positive thoughts to be sent my way over the next few weeks. I hope that having a face to go with the name/blog helps.

Tonight will be my last night of BCPs and my fifth night of Lup.ron. I am shocked that the Lup.ron is so easy. This is the first med that I haven't had to mix or change needles for. It's awesome! The needle is even smaller than I'm used to and the meds don't burn one bit. I actually don't really feel much of the injection one bit. Unfortunately, this is just the beginning of the IVF injections and the evil Brav.elle burn will be here before I know it. I'm just enjoying this while I can.

So far, the only side effect I've experienced are acne break outs and headaches. I'm not really sure if its the BCPs or the Lup.ron but I don't like it. I'm dealing with it but I would much rather do without it.

In honor of my last BCP here is my med protocol pic...

*Complete with my IVF Companion in the back.*

This is really happening!!!

On a lighter note, this weekend was awesome! I loved SATC2 even more than I thought I would. My birthday was amazing (thanks for all the birthday wishes!!!) and the BBQ turned out great too! It's a been a whirlwind weekend.

This week I will getting together with three fellow bloggers/tweeps! I'll be meeting Holly (@ready2Bmom,) Erin (@WannaBeMom,) and Tracy (@kittygirltx.) I have to admit, I'm pretty nervous. I feel like its a blind date. The suspense leading up to the lunch is the worst. I know once we're all there and chatting, we will never want to stop. Until then, I'm so nervous and excited! I can't wait!!!

I just want to say, I think of so many of you on a daily basis and I hope you know that I’m sending my own thoughts, prayers and positive vibes your way! Thank you so much for all the support you provide me with.

Lup.ron time

I figure I’m pretty due for an update. I don’t know why I haven’t been in the blogging “mood” lately. Probably because I’m twe.eting so I feel like I AM blogging…just 140 characters at a time. LOL!

I had my baseline appointment on May 21st. All went great there. BCP doing its job, especially at making me cranky and irritable. Cyst gone. We’re a go for IVF!!!

And now…it’s already Lup.ron time.

I start my first injection of my first (and only) IVF cycle tonight. I’ve heard some good things about the actual injection not being painful. That Brav.elle crap buuuuurns! I haven’t heard such wonderful things about the side effects though. The hubs is fully prepared for the moodiness and hot flashes.

The hubs and I briefly discussed gender determination for the IVF. I like the idea of them being able to rule out certain genetic abnormalities but I do not want to choose what gender each embryo is. Has anyone else done this? I’m leaning towards not doing it (the $3,500 price tag is steering me in that direction) but I’m still curious.

Also, am I crazy for thinking I might want to transfer three embryos? I know that a lot of that decision will be determined after my fertility report. We are for sure planning to transfer two but I keep thinking about three. I’m okay with the idea of twins, triplets is a little too scary but I’m afraid of transferring two and not seeing my BFP at all. Thoughts?

I’m in the market for a fertility bracelet. I searched around on Etsy today and was able to get a better idea of what I want but I wasn’t able to find it exactly. I’m still on the hunt. I want to have it before my next ultrasound on June 10th. I want something pretty simple. Mostly just silver. Maybe with a ‘hope’/’faith’ charm or something. I want something I can wear everyday, with jean and a tank or sweatpants. Any ideas?

I’m gearing up for a busy weekend! Saturday we’re having a girl’s night. Me and 11 other laides are hittin’ up Se.x and the Ci.ty 2!!! Two years ago, the first movie came out ON my birthday. We all got dressed up and took a limo to the movie. It was awesome! This year, we’re doing the scaled down, budget version of the night. I have no clue what I’m going to wear but I’m so excited!

Sunday, is my 29th birthday. I’m not a big birthday celebrator so we’ll just be doing our regularly schedule Memorial Day BBQ. It’s not a birthday party – it’s a Memorial Day BBQ! That morning the hubs and I are going with BFF and her hubby and 11-month old, to have her 4-D ultrasound of baby #2. (Ironically, last year on my birthday I went to her work baby shower for her first baby. This year, we’re going to her ultrasound for her second!) She’s going to be pretty close to 30 weeks pregnant. I’m planning on keeping it together and slapping on the “I’m so happy you’re pregnant” face. I am happy she’s pregnant…again! I just hoped to be pregnant too.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday weekend. Go ahead and take Monday off to celebrate my birthday! You can thank me later =)

New Address

My blog address has changed...

I'm now at http://misdconception.blogspot.com

Please update your reader!

Thanks!!!

Randomness

It’s been entirely too long since I last posted. I can’t think of anything truly post worthy so here is the randomness going through my head today. I decided to number them so you can comment on a particular one if you choose. =)

1. I started my BCP’s for IVF last night. Being off them for nearly two years hasn’t changed the fact that I hate them!!! I’m so nauseous today! Hopefully this will be keeping all the little cysts away and we can carry on as planned this time around.
2. The new pretzel M&Ms are pure heaven!!! Think, peanut M&Ms minus the peanut, plus the pretzel. Soooo good!
3. I think my body is seriously done with me! My cycles generally run between 28 and 32 days. On CD32 I thought I was seeing AF. Turns out I forgot that she sometimes likes to send Spot two days before her visit. I saw a light, but consistent, AF on CD 34, and then two days later (yesterday,) BAM!!! Cramps, heavy flow, headache…the works! What the heck!
4. How do I tell my body that if it gets pregnant we won’t have to deal with cycle days and AF anymore??? Obviously she’s fed up with all this so just be pregnant already!!!
5. Turns out visiting the 11-week old baby on vacation wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought. Spending a week with his insanely, bitchy mom was!!! (She is a friend of mine but I can’t stand how she talks to her DH. If she and I were closer, I might consider talking to her about it.)
6. We were in TX for a week for my DH to take a firefighter test. There were 2,900 people testing and they’re taking the top 250. We’re not holding our breath!
7. I have my baseline ultrasound on Friday, May 21^st. Not getting excited for IVF just yet. Last time the cyst slowed things down and I was pretty bummed.
8. We celebrated Mother’s Day, the hubs’ birthday and my brother’s birthday while in Texas on vacation.
9. The hubs ordered us P90X last night. I’m very nervous about starting it. I love the idea but I’m not a good workout-er. My fingers are crossed that IVF will work on the first try and I will be forced to discontinue for the time being. I can always try it again after the pregnancy is over, right?!
10. The friends we were visiting in Texas don’t have cable!!! They have rabbit ears and get a few channels but if you sit in certain spots in the living room, the channel goes fuzzy. UGH! I know that the hubs’ and I are crazy TV freaks but this was ridiculous. I’ve never been so happy to see my DVR!
11. I bought our tickets to Sex and the City 2 for Saturday, May 29^th, the day before my birthday!
12. I bought my Circle Bloom meditation set for IVF. I’m a little confused by when to start which days. I’m thinking I’m in the pre-cycle stages though. I tried to do one the other night and it’s a lot harder to silence my thoughts than I thought. I’m going to need to give it a lot more effort but I’m excited!
13. I suck at the wheat-free diet! I’m blaming it on vacation. I didn’t wan t to be a burden on our hosts so I tried not to say, “I can’t eat that,” so I did my best when we went out to eat and just ate what was served at their house.
14. I just thought of something to add to my to-do list and forgot what it was by the time I got my list out. So frustrating!
15. I’m helping preggo bff plan her soon-to-be one-year old’s birthday party in July!
16. We’re having money drama! A very long story but we’re having lots of faith and starting psycho budgeting ASAP!
17. It’s going to make me crazy that I can’t remember what I needed to add to my to-do list!!! Ggrrr!
18. I changed my blog’s address. I’m not sure if that means those of you that have “followed” me will still be able to see me or what. Guess I’ll find out if I get zero comments.***I changed it back to the original address and then realized it deleted ALL my comments. I'm back to the new address. I hope you all can still find me.***

I’m certain I should have more to mention but that’s all I can come up with at the moment. Happy Wednesday friends!

IVF Delay and Anti-Wheat

Yesterday, was my baseline IVF appointment. The goal was to see that I ov’d and start Lup.ron. Unfortunately, I have a cyst. A nice, round 22mm cyst in my right ovary. This is my first non-medicated cyst. I had three small cysts after my last round of Brav.elle (and three large ones after my first round of Brav.elle last year,) and now a cyst all on my own. UGH!

Anyhow, this rearranges my entire plan. Key word being ‘my.’ I am, in addition to being completely impatient, a total control freak. I had all my time off arranged. I had my calendar marked. I knew my EDD based on my ET (because I will be getting pg with this IVF!) I know the plan is just delayed, not cancelled. But I’m still bummed.

The hubs was nice enough to find me a silver lining. We’re leaving to visit our friends in Texas (Fort Worth area for those Texan readers) on Saturday (they just had a baby in Feb) and since the IVF plan is delayed, I won’t have to do shots while we’re on vacation and I’ll be able to enjoy a cold beer or two (or three, or four…) Which is a good thing because I’ll be seeing AF while we’re there and, I’m just guessing but, AF and someone else’s new baby is probably not going to be too fun! So, yes, there is a perk to the delay but I don’t want to see the brighter side at the moment. I’m bummed!!!


On a totally unrelated topic…I stopped eating wheat. After reading Andrea and braving_ivf’s posts, I really started to think I might have a wheat allergy (possibly a gluten allergy too.) So I’ve cut out wheat to test the theory.

After about a week, I am certain wheat+Dea.nna=no good! The past two days I’ve eaten terrible, mostly all wheat products, and I’m totally paying for it. I feel disgusting!!! Of course, the only thing I can think about is eating pasta, bread and pizza! I do have to admit, this icky feeling is not worth the temporary joy I get from eating those foods. I’m going to stick with the no wheat plan and eventually ease myself into a more restrictive diet. How do people not eat pasta and pizza?! Is there a way to enjoy those foods without wheat?