But I just can't get it together. I think I'm processing after the 5th, and final, IUI. We had the IVF consult and we don't have enough money (and won't for another 9 months!) so we're just at a stand still.
My brain is just on overload. I do have lots that I want to blog about, I just can't seem to muster up the energy (or arrange all my thoughts neatly.)
I am okay though. I'm just trying to turn off the part of my brain that wants a baby NOW so that we can save up for IVF and not go crazy in the mean time. So much easier said than done.
I'll be back with a real post soon. Promise...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
IVF Time
Since my IVF consult is on Tuesday afternoon, I wanted to see if any of you IVF gals have any advice for me. Are there any questions I should make sure to ask? Is there anything you didn't know prior to IVF that you want to tell me about? I would love your input.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
*Sigh*
Incase you didn’t read the brief post earlier today, I tested bright and early (actually it wasn’t bright at all at 5am) this morning and saw, yet another, BFN! Jerk!!!
I’ve gone through the gambit of emotions today. This morning I was mostly cranky (apparently its PMS,) this afternoon it was tears when I texted my best girlfriends to tell them the news and now, I’m…well, I don’t even know how I feel. Numb, I guess is the word that best describes how I’m feeling.
I can deal with my own disappointment but I can’t handle seeing the hubs get so bummed. I feel like I’m letting him down each month that those stupid tests show that I’ve failed to conceive (aka missed conception.) Ugh!
I’ve already called the RE’s office. I wanted to know if I can stop the progesterone. Aside from them being gross and uncomfortable, I want my period to get here already. The nurse said that would be fine. I hope to see AF sometime this weekend. I’ve already schedule our IVF consult for next week. Gotta know what the next step is. Whether we’re ready for it yet, I don’t know.
It figures that I have the green light (green, get it?) to drink all the green beer I want tonight and the last thing I want to do is go out. If we weren’t meeting a friend that we haven’t seen in forever, I wouldn’t be going. I’d be drowning my sorrows with beer from the comfort of my bed…where I’ll probably be for the next few days.
So ladies…its time for you to be announcing your BFPs already. Let’s see some good news out there! If it’s not me, let it be you!!! Happy St. Patrick’s day!!!
I’ve gone through the gambit of emotions today. This morning I was mostly cranky (apparently its PMS,) this afternoon it was tears when I texted my best girlfriends to tell them the news and now, I’m…well, I don’t even know how I feel. Numb, I guess is the word that best describes how I’m feeling.
I can deal with my own disappointment but I can’t handle seeing the hubs get so bummed. I feel like I’m letting him down each month that those stupid tests show that I’ve failed to conceive (aka missed conception.) Ugh!
I’ve already called the RE’s office. I wanted to know if I can stop the progesterone. Aside from them being gross and uncomfortable, I want my period to get here already. The nurse said that would be fine. I hope to see AF sometime this weekend. I’ve already schedule our IVF consult for next week. Gotta know what the next step is. Whether we’re ready for it yet, I don’t know.
It figures that I have the green light (green, get it?) to drink all the green beer I want tonight and the last thing I want to do is go out. If we weren’t meeting a friend that we haven’t seen in forever, I wouldn’t be going. I’d be drowning my sorrows with beer from the comfort of my bed…where I’ll probably be for the next few days.
So ladies…its time for you to be announcing your BFPs already. Let’s see some good news out there! If it’s not me, let it be you!!! Happy St. Patrick’s day!!!
It's green beer for me =(
Just wanted to let you know that its a BFN for me. I didn't want to keep you guys in suspense for too long. I'll write more later. Thanks for all the prayers and positive thoughts.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
TWW is almost over!
I’ve been avoiding my blog for a while so that I don’t dwell on my tww. I’ve done fairly well, if I do say so myself. Today is 11dpIUI. I’ve been having mild AF-like cramps for the last few days and a backache today but I know that even if it is AF, she will be here later than normal because of the progesterone I’m on. Last time I took the prog, she was three days late and I started to get my hopes up. Not this time! Nope!!! No foolin’ me!
Instead, I’m not going to let her be there bearer of bad news. I’m planning to test early. Usually I fight the urge to test early. This time, it’s the plan. I’m testing tomorrow morning. I need to know if I’m drinking green beer tomorrow night!
Fingers crossed friends!!! Fingers, legs, arms…or anything else you can cross! And say and extra prayer or two for me too!
Instead, I’m not going to let her be there bearer of bad news. I’m planning to test early. Usually I fight the urge to test early. This time, it’s the plan. I’m testing tomorrow morning. I need to know if I’m drinking green beer tomorrow night!
Fingers crossed friends!!! Fingers, legs, arms…or anything else you can cross! And say and extra prayer or two for me too!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Acupuncture Report #4 and #5 (I'm so behind)
Acu #4...
I left work early this day because I had the most insane migraine. It was right after I started my period and had a migraine/headache all weekend. It sucked! I haven't had a period migraine in almost two years. I tried to go to work and deal with it (it was only a headache when I woke up) but as the day did it's thing, I felt like I was going to pass out from pain. I took some of my prescription migraine meds that make me feel all floaty so I figured I'd head home instead of falling asleep at my desk. I was able to schedule my acu appointment so I could stop there on the way home.
Maybe I just had too high of expectations but I really though acu would help the migraine. It did the complete opposite. I don't rememeber much of the appointment but I know I told her that I had the most massive headache and I left work early because of it. She said that it might have been the herbs for that week because they were to tonify my blood. At the end of the appointment she put little stickers in my left ear. I think she called them 'sids' or something. They were tiny marbles under sticky tape that I was supposed to push when I had a headache, or something like that.
So the entire ride home, I was massaging, pushing and holding those stinkin' things. I thought it was magic. It felt better!!! Until...I stopped. I pushed those things so much my ear swelled up and turned red. It felt like my entire ear was bruised BUT while I had my fingers on those little buttons, I had relief.
I heavily medicated for the entire night which left me feeling like my head was full of cotton balls. No fun! That was the end of the headaches though.
Acu #5
This was my first appointment during injections. I started injections that Sunday and had my appointment that Monday. Although she specializes in infertility, I don't feel like she understood the treatments. She must have asked me over a dozen times (during the course of my five visits) if I'm sure I've never had a positive pregnancy test. Really?!? No, I'm lying.
Anyway, I told her that I was hesitant about doing the potion part of the treatment while I was undergoing fert treatments (considering last week she thought they could've been the cause of my migraine.) I just didn't want to risk feeling icky because of the herbal potion AND the shots. She sort of ignored my concerns and told me it would be fine. I went with it.
This was the first appointment that she put needles into my stomach. They were a tiny bit more sensitive than some other spots but not nearly as much as I thought they'd be. I survived.
Before this appointment, I wondered how I would ever be able to stop going. Not because I loved it that much but because I always schedule my next appointment at the end of the current appointment. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to say, "um, let me just call you later to schedule the appointment" without looking suspicious. Well, at the end of this appointment she told me to call after my check up with the RE the following day and make a pre-IUI appointment. So...I just never called back.
Do I recommend it???
I do! I went there with the intention of feeling better overall. I felt relaxed during my appointments and I felt like the potions were helping.
My concern was the price. When I scheduled my first appointment, it was $45 a session. I can totally do that. When I had the appointment, she asked if I was willing to take herbs. I said yes, knowing that it would cost extra. That appointment turned out to be $85!!! Each appointment after that was $80. For some reason, when I did the math, I thought each month I was paying $240 for acu. That wasn't too bad and I could manage...until I realized that $80 x 4(weeks per month) = $320!!! Nope, no thanks. I just can't do it. I can be saving that $320 to get ready for IVF or IUI #5 baby!
So that was my experience with acu.
I left work early this day because I had the most insane migraine. It was right after I started my period and had a migraine/headache all weekend. It sucked! I haven't had a period migraine in almost two years. I tried to go to work and deal with it (it was only a headache when I woke up) but as the day did it's thing, I felt like I was going to pass out from pain. I took some of my prescription migraine meds that make me feel all floaty so I figured I'd head home instead of falling asleep at my desk. I was able to schedule my acu appointment so I could stop there on the way home.
Maybe I just had too high of expectations but I really though acu would help the migraine. It did the complete opposite. I don't rememeber much of the appointment but I know I told her that I had the most massive headache and I left work early because of it. She said that it might have been the herbs for that week because they were to tonify my blood. At the end of the appointment she put little stickers in my left ear. I think she called them 'sids' or something. They were tiny marbles under sticky tape that I was supposed to push when I had a headache, or something like that.
So the entire ride home, I was massaging, pushing and holding those stinkin' things. I thought it was magic. It felt better!!! Until...I stopped. I pushed those things so much my ear swelled up and turned red. It felt like my entire ear was bruised BUT while I had my fingers on those little buttons, I had relief.
I heavily medicated for the entire night which left me feeling like my head was full of cotton balls. No fun! That was the end of the headaches though.
Acu #5
This was my first appointment during injections. I started injections that Sunday and had my appointment that Monday. Although she specializes in infertility, I don't feel like she understood the treatments. She must have asked me over a dozen times (during the course of my five visits) if I'm sure I've never had a positive pregnancy test. Really?!? No, I'm lying.
Anyway, I told her that I was hesitant about doing the potion part of the treatment while I was undergoing fert treatments (considering last week she thought they could've been the cause of my migraine.) I just didn't want to risk feeling icky because of the herbal potion AND the shots. She sort of ignored my concerns and told me it would be fine. I went with it.
This was the first appointment that she put needles into my stomach. They were a tiny bit more sensitive than some other spots but not nearly as much as I thought they'd be. I survived.
Before this appointment, I wondered how I would ever be able to stop going. Not because I loved it that much but because I always schedule my next appointment at the end of the current appointment. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to say, "um, let me just call you later to schedule the appointment" without looking suspicious. Well, at the end of this appointment she told me to call after my check up with the RE the following day and make a pre-IUI appointment. So...I just never called back.
Do I recommend it???
I do! I went there with the intention of feeling better overall. I felt relaxed during my appointments and I felt like the potions were helping.
My concern was the price. When I scheduled my first appointment, it was $45 a session. I can totally do that. When I had the appointment, she asked if I was willing to take herbs. I said yes, knowing that it would cost extra. That appointment turned out to be $85!!! Each appointment after that was $80. For some reason, when I did the math, I thought each month I was paying $240 for acu. That wasn't too bad and I could manage...until I realized that $80 x 4(weeks per month) = $320!!! Nope, no thanks. I just can't do it. I can be saving that $320 to get ready for IVF or IUI #5 baby!
So that was my experience with acu.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
IUI #5b / Weekend
This post is long overdue since IUI #5, part 2 was on Friday.
This appointment was beyond uneventful...especially compared to part 1 appointment.
The hubs and I went to this appointment together. Got there ten minutes early for his part of the appointment. Traffic was still a &itch (like it always is out here) but we left with plenty of time. After the hubs did his thing, we went out for breakfast. We got back really early for my appointment but the RE was late. The hubs asked if this was his payback for us being so late the day before. LOL! Didn't matter to me.
The IUI, although more uncomfortable than the day prior, went well. The hubs sample was 91% motile and 38 million. We verified that four follies on the right had already ov'd. The RE thought that at least one more follie on the left would ov.
I had some pretty intense cramps and horrible back aches for the rest of the day. Probably didn't help that we were in the car for three hours headed down to the pregnant BFF's place (its only 1.5 hours away...gotta love the LA traffic.) I'm pretty sure I felt the follie on the left ov that night.
We went down to BFF's for an overnight stay to go with her to an u/s to see what kind of baby she's having. (Remember her? She's the accidentally pg one that has a 7 month old that is sicky.) She's having an alien boy! We're counting on him not looking like an alien forever but he'll probably still be a boy! She handled it pretty well. Other than wanting a little girl, since she already has a boy, the chances of a little boy having whatever medical issues her first little one has are greater than if he was a little girl. I'm still praying that this little one will be completely healthy and able to help heal her first. Anything is possible with God!!!
I handled the u/s pretty well. There's always a chance that the emotions can sneak up on me but they didn't. I even held her when she shed a few tears. She would do the same for me...she has. We went to lunch and even picked the new baby's name. It was way too easy this time around. I made a suggestion, they both loved it and it was done. His middle name will be after my hubs (and it helps that its also a family name for them.)
And...our other friends in Texas had a baby last week. They called us last night to ask us to be his legal guardians should something horrible happen to them. They said that they know we would be wonderful parents and raise him in the same way they would. I seriously had to choke back the tears (choking them back now as I type this.) It was the sweetest thing someone could say to us right now. Of course, I hope to enjoy their little one WITH them!
That was pretty much the IUI and most of the weekend. I'm still pretty uncomfortable. Guessing that's the gargantuan ovaries I'm packing in my abdomen. The RE told me to take it easy since they're cystic. I'm doing just that...being completely lazy!
This appointment was beyond uneventful...especially compared to part 1 appointment.
The hubs and I went to this appointment together. Got there ten minutes early for his part of the appointment. Traffic was still a &itch (like it always is out here) but we left with plenty of time. After the hubs did his thing, we went out for breakfast. We got back really early for my appointment but the RE was late. The hubs asked if this was his payback for us being so late the day before. LOL! Didn't matter to me.
The IUI, although more uncomfortable than the day prior, went well. The hubs sample was 91% motile and 38 million. We verified that four follies on the right had already ov'd. The RE thought that at least one more follie on the left would ov.
I had some pretty intense cramps and horrible back aches for the rest of the day. Probably didn't help that we were in the car for three hours headed down to the pregnant BFF's place (its only 1.5 hours away...gotta love the LA traffic.) I'm pretty sure I felt the follie on the left ov that night.
We went down to BFF's for an overnight stay to go with her to an u/s to see what kind of baby she's having. (Remember her? She's the accidentally pg one that has a 7 month old that is sicky.) She's having an alien boy! We're counting on him not looking like an alien forever but he'll probably still be a boy! She handled it pretty well. Other than wanting a little girl, since she already has a boy, the chances of a little boy having whatever medical issues her first little one has are greater than if he was a little girl. I'm still praying that this little one will be completely healthy and able to help heal her first. Anything is possible with God!!!
I handled the u/s pretty well. There's always a chance that the emotions can sneak up on me but they didn't. I even held her when she shed a few tears. She would do the same for me...she has. We went to lunch and even picked the new baby's name. It was way too easy this time around. I made a suggestion, they both loved it and it was done. His middle name will be after my hubs (and it helps that its also a family name for them.)
And...our other friends in Texas had a baby last week. They called us last night to ask us to be his legal guardians should something horrible happen to them. They said that they know we would be wonderful parents and raise him in the same way they would. I seriously had to choke back the tears (choking them back now as I type this.) It was the sweetest thing someone could say to us right now. Of course, I hope to enjoy their little one WITH them!
That was pretty much the IUI and most of the weekend. I'm still pretty uncomfortable. Guessing that's the gargantuan ovaries I'm packing in my abdomen. The RE told me to take it easy since they're cystic. I'm doing just that...being completely lazy!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
IUI #5a
This appointment was full of stress! No fun at all!!!
The hubs had a work appointment 2.5 hours away today. I knew, when we set the IUI appointment, this was no good. Sure enough, this is LA and the traffic blows. His appointment was for 2pm. He called me at 1:30 to say he was an hour away (an hour away when there's magically NO traffic.) Ugh! I called the RE's office to let them know and they had their voicemail on. Ugh! I finally left a message. I called back at his appointment time. I was worried they would want to cancel us since there was someone else's washing and IUI immediately after ours. But...they're wonderful and told us to still come in and they'd make it work.
I got to the RE's office right behind the hubs. No, literally, right behind him as we pulled into the parking lot. He was 45 minutes late! Aaahhhh!!! He raced in. I was thoroughly annoyed that he went to his work meeting knowing that we had this important appointment in the afternoon. I was holding it all in though. I didn't want to stress him out. I needed a good sample!!!
When I got into the RE's office, the nurse pulled me aside. She told me he had just gotten there and that my actual IUI would be much later since the sample was so late (which wouldn't be a problem if we didn't have another appointment to sign some papers right after the IUI - I rescheduled). She also told me not to yell at him. LOL! I didn't!
Luckily, the hubs doesn't stress easily and was able to perform without a hitch. Woo hoo!!! We went for a quick snack while the nurses did the washing. On our way out of the office, the 3pm sample man was getting there. Then I started with the nonsense worrying that they could mix my hubs' sample with his. I tweeted about my irrational worries and was assured it wouldn't happen. I'm pretty sure it didn't! I asked the hubs if he recognized the sample when they brought it in and he said yes. Phew! ;-)
The sample was pretty good. 87% motility and 80 million. The u/s showed that lefties follies grew significantly so, although he didn't measure and read me the numbers, I counted six pretty large follies (4 on the right and 2 on the left) and three fairly large follies (1 on the right and 2 on the left.) None had ov'd yet.
Then we got to sit in 2 hours of traffic to get home. Ugh! Home now though...what a day!!!
Stay tuned for IUI #5b...
The hubs had a work appointment 2.5 hours away today. I knew, when we set the IUI appointment, this was no good. Sure enough, this is LA and the traffic blows. His appointment was for 2pm. He called me at 1:30 to say he was an hour away (an hour away when there's magically NO traffic.) Ugh! I called the RE's office to let them know and they had their voicemail on. Ugh! I finally left a message. I called back at his appointment time. I was worried they would want to cancel us since there was someone else's washing and IUI immediately after ours. But...they're wonderful and told us to still come in and they'd make it work.
I got to the RE's office right behind the hubs. No, literally, right behind him as we pulled into the parking lot. He was 45 minutes late! Aaahhhh!!! He raced in. I was thoroughly annoyed that he went to his work meeting knowing that we had this important appointment in the afternoon. I was holding it all in though. I didn't want to stress him out. I needed a good sample!!!
When I got into the RE's office, the nurse pulled me aside. She told me he had just gotten there and that my actual IUI would be much later since the sample was so late (which wouldn't be a problem if we didn't have another appointment to sign some papers right after the IUI - I rescheduled). She also told me not to yell at him. LOL! I didn't!
Luckily, the hubs doesn't stress easily and was able to perform without a hitch. Woo hoo!!! We went for a quick snack while the nurses did the washing. On our way out of the office, the 3pm sample man was getting there. Then I started with the nonsense worrying that they could mix my hubs' sample with his. I tweeted about my irrational worries and was assured it wouldn't happen. I'm pretty sure it didn't! I asked the hubs if he recognized the sample when they brought it in and he said yes. Phew! ;-)
The sample was pretty good. 87% motility and 80 million. The u/s showed that lefties follies grew significantly so, although he didn't measure and read me the numbers, I counted six pretty large follies (4 on the right and 2 on the left) and three fairly large follies (1 on the right and 2 on the left.) None had ov'd yet.
Then we got to sit in 2 hours of traffic to get home. Ugh! Home now though...what a day!!!
Stay tuned for IUI #5b...
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
CD 10 Check Up
I am a little bummed about my appointment today. Looks like a few of the follies I had didn't grow much since Saturday. Granted, that still leaves me with 4-6 that will still ovulate (God willing!) so I shouldn't be bummed at all. Righty had a 18mm, 17mm, and a 14mm. Lefty had a 16.5mm, and two 14mm.
Saturday we helped the besties move. I can't help by wonder if all the strenuous activity did something to the follies that made them stop growing. Gotta love that ridiculous, hormonal guilt I apply to myself.
Oh, and Saturday I found out that one of my RE's nurses is off for a while. She's the not-so-quick nurse that always messes things up. She's just a little scatterbrained but she really stresses me out because timing all the meds and appts is crucial so the ditziness really doesn't fly with me. Anyway, she's on disability for a while because she's pregnant!!! Seriously?!?! Pregnant nurses should NOT be allowed to work at an infertility doctor's office. I'm glad she's not working right now. I hope that whatever complications she's experiencing are resolved but I really don't want to see her dingy, pregnant self in the office unless I'm there for my own pregnancy. Is that too much to ask?!
One final shot of Brav.elle tonight, trigger at 11pm tomorrow, IUI#5a Thursday and IUI#5b is Friday.
Saturday we helped the besties move. I can't help by wonder if all the strenuous activity did something to the follies that made them stop growing. Gotta love that ridiculous, hormonal guilt I apply to myself.
Oh, and Saturday I found out that one of my RE's nurses is off for a while. She's the not-so-quick nurse that always messes things up. She's just a little scatterbrained but she really stresses me out because timing all the meds and appts is crucial so the ditziness really doesn't fly with me. Anyway, she's on disability for a while because she's pregnant!!! Seriously?!?! Pregnant nurses should NOT be allowed to work at an infertility doctor's office. I'm glad she's not working right now. I hope that whatever complications she's experiencing are resolved but I really don't want to see her dingy, pregnant self in the office unless I'm there for my own pregnancy. Is that too much to ask?!
One final shot of Brav.elle tonight, trigger at 11pm tomorrow, IUI#5a Thursday and IUI#5b is Friday.
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