WTF?!?!

I’ve been going back and forth on whether I would actually make this a post or not. My logical side tells me I’m being ridiculous and that I shouldn’t get all riled up in a post. But…my emotional side (which is ruling my life at the moment) decided that I need to let it out or I’d go mad.

I haven’t talked too much about my ILs here. I did mention the one story about how my FIL told me that no grandchild of his would be born using an epidural (go ahead, read it) but that is really just the tip of the iceberg.

My ILs are overly opinionated (this is including my SIL.) They basically believe that the choices they’ve made or the ideas they have are right. Period. Everything else that differs from that, is wrong. My MIL had her two kids drug free, so that’s just the right way and everyone should do it that way.

This story is mainly about my SIL so let me tell you about her. She is one of those people that didn’t get nearly enough attention in her life while growing up. Now, to get her attention, she gets pitiful. I don’t even think there’s a word enough to describe the pitifull-ness. A few years back, my family, my ILs, and some of our friends went on a cruise. Each night we talked about our day and laughed and had a blast. She sat at the table sulking until someone said “What’s wrong?” Then she’d say, “Oh, nothing.” Until someone would drag it out of her. I DO NOT do well with this character trait. I just don’t care enough to drag it out of you. No thanks!

After the hubs and I were married I went above and beyond to make nice with her. I wanted her to be normal. I wanted her to play well with others so we could spend time with her. I really did try. Unfortunately, in addition to being pitiful, she’s also a drama queen. She can’t stand it when there’s no drama, and guess what? She’s always the victim. Always! I could write on and on about this…but I’ll spare you.

The most recent nonsense…her wedding. It started with the ring. I have a beautiful pear shaped diamond engagement ring. I love it!!! I don’t see many pear shaped diamonds. Well you better believe the &itch got a pear shaped diamond ring. When I saw it, I gasped! I said “it looks just like mine!” Because, it did!!! I asked her, “what made you get a pear shaped diamond?” She said, and I quote, “Because I wanted something unique that no one else had!” At this point, I’d been sporting my ring for over three years. Bull$hit you didn’t know I had it! I was livid. It just got worse from that point. My ILs had fallen into hard time and couldn’t afford to pay 100% for her wedding (she was 31.) She literally threw a fit until my MIL borrowed from her retirement, without my FIL knowing, and gave her $20,000! Then at the wedding, someone came up to my MIL and had the nerve to tell her she should be ashamed of herself for promising to pay for SIL’s wedding and not. WTF?!?! She did!!! But this just means that SIL was bad mouthing the ILs to outsiders and enough to make them want to comment to MIL. In-sane!!! In addition to the fact that my ILs gave her $200,000 so that she could buy a house a few years back. She couldn’t qualify for a loan that big so they gave her the money. Seriously, WTF?!?

So there’s a little background. I can’t fit all the stories into a post so just know that I’m giving you a tiny glimpse into my world.

Now…my ILs know nothing about our TTC journey. They don’t even know that we’ve been trying at all. As I mentioned, they have too much ignorant opinion and I can’t handle it.

SIL calls the hubs this weekend and tells him he’s going to be an uncle. I about fell out of my seat…once I stopped crying (I cried harder than I’ve cried in a very long time.) You’ve got to be joking!!! Her and her hubby have been married a little over a year. They said that they were going to start trying two years from now for financial reasons. They weren’t trying but they weren’t preventing it either. Blah blah blah. Here’s the kicker…she’s due 12 days before me!!! Seriously, what kind of cruel joke is this?!?! We wait almost fours years into our marriage to even start TTC, then spend two years waiting to see the BFP and she still manages to one-up me?!?! I think the worst part was that the hubs didn’t understand why it upset me so much. I’m glad that me being pregnant erases all the pain from the past two years for him but it didn’t do the same for me.

Here’s my thoughts…I’m jealous that it happened so easy for her. I feel like she didn’t ‘earn’ it. I feel like everyone is going to be equally excited for both of us but they should be more excited for me because this is HUGE for us. I would’ve been pregnant before her if that stupid cyst hadn’t delayed IVF by two months. Why is this part of the journey that God wants me on? What I am supposed to learn from this?! I WILL NOT be having a joint baby shower. There will be NO belly-to-belly shots of the pregnant SILs during the holidays. I know she’s going to be a major drama queen about how horrible her m/s is or how bad her back hurts and I will be silent because I’m not the whiney type. There will absolutely not be any matching baby outfits. I know that I shouldn’t care that she’s pregnant at all. I’m pregnant and her life doesn’t affect mine. I need to find a way to not be so angry and bitter…its bad for me and MY baby! Apparently, being pregnant doesn’t change the infertile’s brain. Thank God I’m pregnant too or this post would be even longer. I don’t even want to tell the ILs that I’m pregnant. I think I could get away with that if we moved…far away. Maybe I’ll just show up to dinner one night with a baby and say “Oh you didn’t know we had a baby? Weird.”

Ugh…

Please don’t try to tell me that I shouldn’t care. I really do know how I should feel. Right now, I just want everyone to tell me that she’s a wretched person and I’m totally justified for feeling the way that I do. Thanks in advance.