I'm scared to death that this final medicated cycle won't work!
I don't think I realized it until today. I was reading Hannah's post about loving the (2)WW. While I definitely don't love the (2)WW, I get what she's saying. It's during that wonderful two weeks that I actually have hope. I dream about what theme the nursery will decorated in and what name he/she will have. Of course, the end of that wait, all of the dreams are shattered with that stupid BFN, but for that two weeks, there's a chance.
When I'm not under the RE's care or going through treatments, I don't have much hope. I go with the flow, BD'ing on the appropriate days, but I don't expect anything. I don't always know when I'm in the (2)WW, so I don't fantasize about the miracle that could be. On the flip side, not fully experiencing the (2)WW, means the BFN doesn't sting quite as bad.
Last night we started the final round of IUI treatment. I sat my nerves aside and welcomed the first Brav.elle injection. I can't say that I enjoyed it but it was a very somber moment. I don't even want to think about this not working. IVF is way down the road for us (mostly financially) so I know, if this doesn't work, we're on our own for a while.
I'm going to do my best to be in the moment this time around. If this cycle does result in my first ever BFP, I want to savor each moment that got me to that point. I'm going to continue to welcome each nightly shot with peace and calm. I'm going to pray for all the follies that will be maturing and possibly becoming my beautiful babies. I'm going to cherish the time that the hubs and I have as a couple because it will hopefully be short-lived.
Mostly, I'm going to just focus on being positive. I'm going to thank God for all the chances that we have had to work with an RE up to this point. I'm going to be grateful for the constant support that I've had from my hubs and even my family. And...I'm going to love my (2)WW, even if it ends in a BFN, because that is God's plan for us right now.
*I still reserve the right to be a nervous, basket case in upcoming posts regarding this cycle - I'm still human afterall. LOL!*
**I'm also working on my fourth acu report. Check back for that in the next day or two.