I'm scared to death that this final medicated cycle won't work!
I don't think I realized it until today. I was reading Hannah's post about loving the (2)WW. While I definitely don't love the (2)WW, I get what she's saying. It's during that wonderful two weeks that I actually have hope. I dream about what theme the nursery will decorated in and what name he/she will have. Of course, the end of that wait, all of the dreams are shattered with that stupid BFN, but for that two weeks, there's a chance.
When I'm not under the RE's care or going through treatments, I don't have much hope. I go with the flow, BD'ing on the appropriate days, but I don't expect anything. I don't always know when I'm in the (2)WW, so I don't fantasize about the miracle that could be. On the flip side, not fully experiencing the (2)WW, means the BFN doesn't sting quite as bad.
Last night we started the final round of IUI treatment. I sat my nerves aside and welcomed the first Brav.elle injection. I can't say that I enjoyed it but it was a very somber moment. I don't even want to think about this not working. IVF is way down the road for us (mostly financially) so I know, if this doesn't work, we're on our own for a while.
I'm going to do my best to be in the moment this time around. If this cycle does result in my first ever BFP, I want to savor each moment that got me to that point. I'm going to continue to welcome each nightly shot with peace and calm. I'm going to pray for all the follies that will be maturing and possibly becoming my beautiful babies. I'm going to cherish the time that the hubs and I have as a couple because it will hopefully be short-lived.
Mostly, I'm going to just focus on being positive. I'm going to thank God for all the chances that we have had to work with an RE up to this point. I'm going to be grateful for the constant support that I've had from my hubs and even my family. And...I'm going to love my (2)WW, even if it ends in a BFN, because that is God's plan for us right now.
*I still reserve the right to be a nervous, basket case in upcoming posts regarding this cycle - I'm still human afterall. LOL!*
**I'm also working on my fourth acu report. Check back for that in the next day or two.
8 comments:
I love this post - I'm currently in my 2ww for the first time ever and I want it to fly by but you made me realize I should cherish it and cling onto that hope that floats.
I hope this cycle works out for you, I truly truly do. You and your follies are in my thoughts & prayers.
Dea.nna, that was so sweet of you to link to my post, and I LOVE your post! I'm terrified too! And of course we can still be nervous basket cases, isn't it our right as women? ;) But it helps me tremendously to know that God has a plan, and I'm so glad we both want what he has for us. Your comments & posts are so encouraging to me.
HUGS & PRAYERS!
It is okay to be nervous and hopeful and excited at the same time- I do it EVERY.SINGLE.MONTH.
If ivf does not work for us (what am I saying, it is DEFINITELY GOING TO WORK), adoption is a long way down the saving road for us, too. So, I feel similarly to you that I'm really going to soak up this last go with the RE. I think it will be really weird to not be seeing the RE anymore, after having basically a year of constantly medicated cycles, but if that is what God has in store for us, I'm sure I'll find the silver lining somewhere...
Praying this cycle is IT for you!!
Being nervous is normal Deanna! Positive, positve honey, only good thoughts.
It sounds like you have a great attitude about things. You are allowed to be upset/worried and still do awesome. I hope you don't have to worry about ivf at all.
I wanted to wish you the best with your IUI cycle. I hope that the Bravelle produces some great quality follies and that you will have wondeful new in a very short time!!
I'm crossing my fingers for you!
I'm so glad you are on twitter! Thinking positive is the way to go but remember it's ok to have a down day every now and again! Hugs! Good luck on your last IUI cycle!
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