Dream

I want to start off by sending out heartfelt congratulations to Kelli. I am so excited for you and can’t believe you waited so long to tell us. I can’t wait to hear some details. Congratulations! You are a great encouragement to me and I appreciate your support and comments.

Last night I had a dream…one of those dreams. The one that feels so real you actually wake up thinking it was reality. The dream itself was random: the hubs and I were out to lunch, we ate somewhere that had pregnancy test forks so you’d eat your meal and then look at the back of the fork to see if you’re pregnant. Weird, I know, but, I was pregnant. I saw the two pink lines. We were shocked because I didn’t even know I might be (so you know it was a dream.) Then I woke up. So sad. It really took me a few seconds to realize that didn’t happen and I wasn’t pregnant (yet!) I’ve read a couple of your posts about dreams like this. Its no surprise since this is on most of our minds all the time.

The good news is my shot last night was a lot less painful than the night prior. I think I iced it longer and that helped. It also helped that the hubs and I didn’t argue about it before he gave it to me. Hillary suggested waiting for a bit after I’ve mixed the meds to see if that lessens the burn. It’s worth a shot! (Ha ha, pun not intended, but I’m amused anyhow!)

Calling all injectable pros…

…or anyone else with some advice. Last night was day two of the Brav.elle injection. It was a rough one! First off, the hubs and I argued about loading the medication (he didn’t draw up enough of the sodium chloride to mix with the Brav.elle,) then I get horribly nervous about actually receiving the injections which was just exaggerated because I knew he was irritated at me for &itching at him while he was trying to load the syringe, and then the shot burned like a tiny shot of hell into my belly. YIKES! Does anyone have any experience with the shots burning? I felt the initial prick of the needle (even after a quick icing) and then after a second, the burning started. It made me cry (and I’m sure the anxiety leading up to it made the burning feel even worse.) Is it the medication that burns or are we doing something wrong?

I can’t tell you how much I loved, loved, loved your comments on my last post. You are some of the most encouraging, inspirational and supportive people I’ve even ‘known.’ Thank you so much Kelli, lowfatlady, Hillary, Mommy In Waiting, Life Happens and The Mrs. I know you guys know but I’ll say it anyway, sometime the IF journey feels very lonely. It often feels like I’m the only one in the world struggling but you guys have reminded me that I’m definitely not alone. I appreciate that you have me in your thoughts and prayers. You are in mine as well! Thank you SO much!

This weekend I was reflecting on my TTC journey. I’ve learned SO much!!! Each cycle is so completely different from the cycle before it, granted this is only my third medicated cycle. I’ve learned how much I really do want to be a mom. There was a time when I was scared to be a parent. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to provide for a child or have the patience for a child. Now I’m certain I can…and will! This journey has taught me patience and taught me to rely on God. I really can’t do everything on my own but that’s why I have God. Maybe all of that is the reason I’m experiencing the trials and tribulations of TTC. Everything in my life has a purpose, I’d love to know what they are but for now, I’ll just roll with it.

I've also learned why I have the job I have. I complain (a lot!) about my job. I just don't want to work and I have an hour commute each way so its not fun to come to. In any case, its because of this job that I have the amazing medical coverage that I have. I had no clue how good it really was until I picked up the Brav.elle Saturday. I checked the receipt, $854.20 for a 10-day supply and I paid $5!!! I joked that I won $849.20!!! Sometimes I need a little perspective check-in. I got it on Saturday at the pharmacy. Coming to work is a little less painful now...just a little though.

Happy Tuesday to everyone...at least its not Monday. =)

CD 2 - The &itch is back!

Yep, she's here. I meant to post yesterday to let everyone know that AF showed up but the day got pretty crazy. Good crazy but crazy nonetheless.

So yes, AF is here. The BFN on Monday and the almost period on Wednesday prepared me for yesterday. I woke up earlier than I should’ve on my day off and tested. I sat the test down and then what was on the toilet paper confirmed the result that I would read on the test. I’m out this cycle too. Ugh! I crawled back into bed and prayed. I didn’t sob but I did shed a few sad tears. The hubs said he was prepared for the BFN too.

As if just seeing the BFN followed immediately by AF isn’t bad enough, she brought all her friends. You might now know them, headache, cramps, backache, emotional roller coaster… It’s all her friends that are the constant reminder that I’m not pregnant. If I didn’t experience the wrath of her friends I might forget AF was here. I think its time to let her know, she’s overstayed her welcome in my life. I need a break…maybe a 9/10 month break??? =)

Now onto the crazy day that was yesterday. I called up my RE’s office at 8:30 to let them know that AF was here. For the first time since June they wanted to see me…while I’m on my period?!? I’m sure many of you have had the vag wand while you’re on your period but this was a first for me. I verified with my nurse that they really wanted to see me in this state, she laughed. Hmm, okay, I guess.

When my RE came into the room he did a rundown of the last two medicated cycle (August and October.) He confirmed that I’d ovulated two eggs in October and the hubs’ samples looked awesome. He still hasn’t seen any of the original agglutination issues. He reminded us about the August cycle, I had ovulated four eggs (wait, what?!? I had no idea!) and that was another awesome sample from the hubs. I joked with the doctor that the hubs and I are perfect. The hubs said “on paper!” LOL! Isn’t that the truth!

The exam itself was nearly painless. Mentally gross but I survived. He was checking out my ovaries to see if there were any cysts (there aren’t!!!) and see how many resting follies I have (three on the left which always seems to be hiding and 10!!! on the overachieving right side!) He said the resting follies are a good indication of how I’ll respond to the injectables. Yep, its injectable time! That would be the reason for the AF exam.

The craziness of the day comes with the prescriptions.  The RE gave me SIX scrips. It was pretty confusing. I got a scrip for Brav.elle which was his first choice. His concern was that it might not be covered under my insurance and could cost me $45-$55 per ampule (2 amps X 9 days!) so if the cost was too much on that one or they didn’t have it in stock, I was to get Men.opur. If that was still too costly or not available, I was to just get Clo.mid again. Then, if I got the injectables, I was also to get a proge.sterone suppository. I put in for the trigger shot now since that’s the one they don’t carry all the time and then I had a scrip for 21 syringes. I decided to go to the larger hospital pharmacy instead of my local doctor’s office one. They just have more of the meds in stock and have more availability to them.  I’m only explaining all of this so you have an idea of the craziness. I was dreading going to put in the scrips. I was afraid they would be too much money and I’d do another Clo.mid cycle, I was afraid they wouldn’t have any of it on hand and I’d have to wait until the last minute, I was afraid the people wouldn’t be understanding…but guess what??? It all worked out!!!

Not only do they carry the Brav.elle but it’s totally covered under my insurance. Yes, that’s right…$810-990 worth of meds for $5!!!!!!!! Even the nurse at the RE’s office was shocked! So we’re doing the injectables starting tomorrow. The pharmacy couldn’t fill the entire scrip so I’ll go back today to pick all of it up. I’m just amazed! I complain a lot about my job…I just don’t want to work but I’ve really been thinking that I have this job because of my medical insurance. God knew this was part of my future 8 ½ years ago when I was hired. He knew I’d need awesome insurance so I got to where I am now (a better department with even better insurance!) I am just so blessed!

So here we go…tomorrow is my first of the daily shots. The hubs is, once again, a little too excited to be giving me shots. It’s probably the EMT in him. I’m not nervous yet but I’ll check back in with you all tomorrow.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers. While they didn’t result in that BFP we were all hoping for, I do feel comforted that cycle 15 is already in the works. Who knew that jumping straight into the next cycle would make me feel better.

(2)WW - Day 14

The numb feeling is still there, laced with a little denial. I’m still on the verge of tears at any moment but I know that’s par for the course and will be sticking around for a few more days. Today is the day I should be expecting AF. The blood sighting yesterday was an isolated incident. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Honestly, it messes with my head. I’m trying to focus on being still. I don’t need to speculate or analyze, I just need to be still. That doesn’t mean I don’t fight the urge to speculate and analyze but it’s a work in progress.

Thank you ladies SO much, from the depths of my heart, for your kind words, thoughts and prayers yesterday. It truly warmed my heart and I really felt like I’m not alone in this journey. I had no idea what the blogging world would bring me. Thank you!

Last night was girl’s night. We try to get together once or twice a month. I really wasn’t looking forward to it but it turned out to be something I needed. I dreaded hearing the “how’s the baby making” question but it didn’t come. Thank God! Overall, the night was only mildly centered around children (two of the girls each have two kids) and I was able to genuinely laugh at all their cute stories. The only teary moment I had was when my friend’s four month old fell asleep in my arms. It was such a sweet moment, it brings tears to my eyes even now. I’m sad because I want my own baby but I had peace in that moment holding hers.

I’ve started praying about what we should do for our next cycle. If this isn’t the timing that God has for us to have a child I’d rather not go through the encouraging ultrasounds and promising IUI’s to have a BFN. It’s just too torture-some. We’ll see though. I’ll just wait for good ol’ AF for now.

Update: There is no update. Still no AF as of 2:30pm (Cali time.) If I'm not careful I might get some hope back.

(2)WW - Day 13

The hubs asked me last night if I was going to test this morning. I snapped, “NO! It’s just too risky.” He laughed. I know someone out there knows what I mean. I’m worried I’ll see that horrible BFN again.

I guess deep down I think it’s not really over until AF shows up, no matter what the test says. I pray so hard that I start on time (if I’m not pg.) Every hour that I’m late, I’ll think the test was wrong and the sooner I start, the sooner I can move onto the next cycle. Anyway, I’m waiting to do the final test on Friday still. Monday was a weak moment and I fully regret it. I’d like to think I learned my lesson but the reality is, I’ll probably test too early next cycle too. I told the hubs not to leave me alone with those things!

I’ve stopped analyzing the ‘symptoms.’ It’s just torture. Although…not a symptom, just a fact…my b00bs are kiiiiiiiilling me!!! The thought of touching them sends shivers down my spine. The hubs was teasing me last night and threatening to touch them. I would scream and he’d laugh. I’ve worn a sports bra to bed the last two nights and today I’m wearing my normal bra under the sports bra. This is definitely not normal for me but this is also the first cycle I’ve been on Es.trace since cd5 (I’m on cd29 today-that’s a long time!) So everything I’ve been experiencing could just be caused by the meds. Hmm…It’s very cruel if we’re being honest here.

I’m preparing myself for test day. There’s some hope buried waaaaay down there but I’m expecting to be wallowing on Friday. It makes me cry. The Mrs. wrote yesterday about being still and knowing that He is God. I told myself that instead of overanalyzing all the symptoms and worrying about the POAS in two days, I’d be still. Each time I start to stress, I’m praying. I’m going to be still. Worrying gets me absolutely no where. The result will be the same at the end no mater what stress I put myself through. So here I am, being still, praying and praying.

Update: I was using the restroom and I started to cry. So, I prayed. I prayed that God would give me peace, I prayed that he’d hold me in His arms and let me feel the comfort that only He can provide. As I finished, I saw it…blood. I can’t confirm that it’s actually the start of AF because the last two cycles I’ve started early, then stopped, only to restart on the actual start day. Nevertheless, it’s probably the beginning of the end. I lost it. I wasn’t crying anymore, I was sobbing. The kind of sobs that choke you and make it hard to breathe. I thanked God that I wasn’t sharing the restroom with anyone. Now I just feel numb. The limbo stage is the worst. I’d rather just start already. I pity the person that sees my red eyes and asks how I am. I hate this so much!

(2)WW - Day 12

The failed POAS has officially unleashed the emotional beast within me. I wasn’t upset immediately, it festered. Last night I was catching up on some of my blog reading (the hubs works 24-hour shifts Mondays so I’m all alone Monday nights) and it hit me. Some of the blogs were reporting sadness and some were happy, they all made me want to cry. I managed to choke it back…until this morning. I was checking in on fa.ceb00k and saw some pics that my bff had posted of her baby in the hospital, I lost it. I cried because I know she’s hurting, I cried because I want a baby too, I cried because I felt defeated since I was crying and I’d tested prematurely…

I’m letting go of the hope. It’s my defense mechanism. I still want to see a glorious BFP Friday (more than anything!) but I don’t have the confidence I did the last few days. The nausea is probably the Es.trace and all the other symptoms are probably the impending AF. It’ll just be easier to go this route. Suck!

I'm weak!

I just suddenly got the urge to test...and I did. BFN! Now I'm doing the whole it-could-still-be-too-early-maybe-my-pee-was-diluted-too-much song and dance. Whatever. I'm not devastated...yet...

(2)WW - Day 11 (Over-analyzeritis)

I’m seriously making myself crazy! I don’t even want to admit how many times I’ve goo.gled ‘early pregnancy symptoms.’ The good news is I’ve got all of them. The bad news is that they could all be caused my impending period or the Es.trace I’m on. Ugh!

Yesterday was the first moment I thought about the fact that I really might not be pregnant. I nearly cried just thinking about it. I guess I’ll admit it, my hopes are up. I’m hanging onto every ounce of hope I can find.

The hubs got sick of listening to me analyze every cramp, the bre.ast tenderness, nausea…so you’re guys are getting it instead. I’ll apologize ahead of time…sorry but here it goes…

• Nausea: Not a common AF symptom for me (although I’m sure it could be the Es.trace.) Its not intense like I actually feel like vom.iting but I can’t eat too much or wait too long to eat or it’ll get worse.

• Sensitive to smell: I’ve noticed that my nose is on high alert. I don’t know if that’s just me being the over-analyzer that I am or if it really is a pg symptom. In any case, I can smell BBQ sauce a mile away. 

• Cravings: I’m dying for a big, juicy steak!!! Cravings aren’t too uncommon for me in general though, so I’ll try not to look too far into that one. Last week I thought I’d die without a dill pickle. I bought a jar and devoured half of it immediately. Can’t hold onto that though because I was craving pickles right after the last IUI too and we all know how that turned out. 

• Exhaustion: Yesterday the exhaustion set in. Now, I’ll be honest here, I’m a very tired person, all the time. I can take a nap any second of the day. Yesterday it felt different (granted I want it to feel different.) I was lethargic most of the day but around 3pm I just felt like I couldn’t be awake anymore. I didn’t even want to take a nap because I was afraid I wouldn’t sleep at night but I couldn’t fight it. It was crazy. I felt like I’d taken a double dose of Ny.quil. I think I slept for 30-45 minutes and then I was tired again around bedtime. I slept great all night.

• Bre.ast tenderness: The ni.pple sensitivity started last Thursday and the bre.ast tenderness hit yesterday morning. Today it’s much more intense and I swear they’re swollen too. And yet, once again, could be an AF symptom. Not generally one of mine, to this degree at least, but still a possible AF symptom.

• Cramps: I’m still having the cramps too. They feel oddly like mild AF cramps. The kind of cramps I get when I’m actually on my period but I’ve never gotten them beforehand. They’re also accompanied by diar.rhea (I’m sorry, you need to have all the info) just like my AF cramps. Online it said that consti.pation is a normal pg symptom. No one mentioned diar.rhea. Weird.

Alright, I think that’s all. I hate that all my posts are related to the (2)WW that I said I wouldn’t be focusing on daily. I’ve been reading up on your blogs and I’m glad I’m not the only one over-analyzing my symptoms. I hope there’s a lot of BFP’s out there in the next few days! Fingers crossed, saying prayers!!! Four more days to go for me…

(2)WW - Day 10

WOW!!! Day 10...I might actually survive this. Of course, the hubs and I decided to wait and test on Friday, Day 15. We're both off that day and I can test first thing in the morning and hopefully enjoy the result as we spend the day together. If the result isn't anything to enjoy, I'll be home and able to wallow.

The nausea is definitely not from being motion sick like I originally thought it could be. While being in the car way more than I wanted to be over the last few days, we're home and I'm still consistently nauseous. It's certainly worse when I'm in the car but overall, its always here. Not sure what it means but I'm hoping. The cramps haven't subsided either. They're mild, nothing to curl up into a ball about but they do make me a little uneasy. In addition to my ni.pples being super, scary sensitive, I woke up today to crazy sore b00bs. Painfully sore. Thank you all for all the wonderful comments on my last post. I'm holding onto all the positivity that I read. The result will be what it is whether I'm positive about it right now or negative.

Had my 10-year high school reunion last night. It turned out very well. It was pretty chill since there were only 13 of us in my senior class. Only 10 showed up and brought their spouses so it was a good group of 20 (+ one 4 month old and one 2 year old.) Maybe the prospect of being pregnant softened my heart because I didn't even scowl at the two pregnant girls (10 weeks along and 21 weeks) and when one of the guys announced that his wife too was expecting again (12 weeks, the parents of the 2 year old,) I actually surprised myself and genuinely congratulated them. I sat directly across from the 10 week girl. We talked a lot and throughout the night I thought about how easy it probably was for her to get pregnant and what it must be like to only see the joy in it and not the massive heartache leading to it. Later in the night her husband, my classmate, mention that they had been TTC for 18 months! She did know the massive heartache and she was wondering if it could possibly be a dream. I told him that we had been trying for over a year but I didn't mention to what lengths. It was just another lesson in the IF world.

Just a final thought, does anyone else think that its just awfully cruel that early pregnancy symptoms are so similar to early AF symptoms?!?! So mean!

(2)WW - Day 8

Thanks Hilary for confirming my thoughts on the potential test day! So yes, we're at day 8 of the dreaded (2)WW. I have to be honest, I'm fighting the urge to overanalyze. I was having cramps most of the last four days. They felt like very mild period cramps but of course, I'm about a week away from that. Then I had diarrhea (I know, more than you need to know but you need all the details) so I figured that was the culprit, only nope, they're still here. Hmm...I checked online to see that I should've implanted on Tuesday. Last night I noticed that my ni.pples are crazy sensitve. Yowza! Yesterday, I was also miserably nauseous and almost threw up twice but really, would I be experiecing any of that just yet?!?! I just atributed it to the six hour car ride to SF and me being insanely motion sick. But in the back of my mind, could it be? Like I said, I can't really imagine that I'd be having real symptoms this early on so I guess I'm just looking for something to hold onto. Just a few more days until I can find out for sure.

I had a lot of time to think (remember, the six hour car ride I mentioned) and I was just wondering, how do women get pregnant at all??? No, I know, how but I mean, seriously its a miracle. There's such a small window to get pregnant and then the journey for the sp.erm is just crazy. It seems like so much of it is left to chance if you're not calculating your ov scheudle, yet people seem to accidentally get pregnant all around me. It's just CRAZY!!!

I told you you the posts leading up to test day would be pretty random.

(2)WW - Day 6 (right???)

So I had IUI #2 (a) on 10/7 and we confirmed that I ov’d on 10/8 and then I had IUI #2 (b) on 10/9…I should be able to test on 10/22, two weeks from the ov day, right??? (That should explain the confusion on the post’s title.) I’d love to wait to just see if AF comes but I know me too well. I’ll test the instant I can.

Hmm…Let’s see…I wasn’t at work for the last two weeks! I was originally out sick with that nasty cold and then I had all the RE appointments leading up to the IUI’s, so I decided to take both weeks off. I won’t even begin to explain how my sick time works but it’s pretty amazing, I was able to be off for 80 hours and only lose 18 hours of pay! All this to get to the fact that…I’m back to work now. UGH! The internet is restricted so it’s harder for me to check on all the blogs and I can’t comment for some reason. Sorry, I will be commenting soon. Get this, I took off tomorrow and Friday. LOL! Two weeks off, two days back and then I’m off again. I really shouldn’t complain about my job.

Tomorrow the hubs and I are heading up to San Fran.cisco for another fire department test. I’ll be bringing the laptop so I can catch up on the blogs. I can’t wait! We’re visiting some friends while we’re up there, then we’re rushing back for the 10-year high school reunion on Saturday night (the one with all the pregnant wives! Ugh!)

I’m sure the next 8 days of posts are going to be pretty random. I’m sitting firmly in the torture-some (2)WW and I just need to distract myself. The good news is that the last 6 days (right?) have flown by. It seems like it’s the last three that reeeeaaallllly drag.

In the spirit of positive thinking, how do any of you plan to/did you tell your DH about the positive test? On the last IUI, we decided to look at the test together. I pee’d on it, held my hand over the results as I picked it up and brought it to the bedroom. Then we both looked. It would’ve been great had it said something other than ‘NOT PREGNANT’. So rude. Anyway, I’m wondering if I’d want to go that route again. Maybe I should test and then surprise him some other way if it’s positive. So I’m curious what you guys have done or want to do… I know I’m totally getting ahead of myself but I’m a crazy planner (which makes all this IF crap that much more annoying) and I need to have a plan just incase. Besides, its fun to dream, right?

IUI #2 (b)

This IUI was a little less eventful and exciting than Wednesday's. The RE verified that both of those big follies ovulated which is great! He estimated that they ovulated Thursday (I had some fierce cramping so I concur.) He said that the hub's specimen looked as good as it did on Wednesday and told us that there were approx 50 million se.men per cc. We know that there was a minimum of 2cc's so it sounds good. He also said that they were at 90% motility, all this after washing. Looks like my eggs are being attacked by at least 200 million little fellas! Yea!

The actual procedure wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as the Wednesday one was, phew! Mild cramping yesterday but I'm feeling good today. This officially marks the beginning of the dreaded (2)WW. I'm thoroughly excited and completely apprehensive. I plan on keeping myself busy as much as possible this time. I WILL NOT be counting down the days. I won't...alright, I'll try not to.

Thank you all for all your encouraging comments on the last past. I really appreciate it! I don't think anyone can have too much encouragement. You guys are the best!

IUI #2 (a)

While I've been gone the last few days, I've been getting pregnant. Well, we hope! The RE was hoping I'd ov naturally by Tues. (day 14) and surprise surprise, I didn't. I had to go in for a check up to determine whether or not we were going to trigger and then when we'd do the IUI. (Side note: I was such a ridiculous worrier this cycle. I worried about getting the meds, starting them on time...blah blah blah. Well I decided to not worry about the hubs being unavailable all day Thurs. (the suspected IUI day.) I just decided there was no reason to worry about all the other stuff because it all worked out just fine so I went with it, and guess what? It all worked out.) So at the checkup I had two lead follies still, 24mm and 20mm. He said that I was showing very, very light ov on the OPK at the office so he was very comfortable doing the IUI Wed (yesterday!) Told you the worrying was pointless. He did was me to trigger anyway because he said it wouldn't hurt anything but maybe it would encourage some of the smaller follies to do their thing.

Ugh! The shot (10,000 HCG, IM in the upper tush area.) I was prepared for it. Well not mentally but I did have the prescription filled weeks ago because last time my HMO pharmacy didn't have it and I had to pay full price at a fertility pharmacy. I was a nervous wreck about the shot. I was last time too. The hubs does this for me as I have absolutely NO desire to poke myself with needles. We iced it for a few minutes and then went for it. I survived! Unfortunately, yesterday it hurt! He must have really got it good in the muscle. Even still, I survived.

So yesterday was IUI #2 (a) (...more on that.) Once again the hubs' sample looked awesome! I didn't get specifics on the sample, I'm just glad to hear it was good. We did get to see it in the microscope after the washing. So cool! I said a quick prayer that one of those little fellas was smart enough and strong enough to find the egg(s). The lead follies were at 27mm and 23mm. The actual IUI was a little more incomfortable this time. I'm not sure why. I felt the little tube going allllllll the way in, when it bottomed out, there was an intense jolt of pain (reminded me of that nasty HSG) but it quickly dimished. The hubs held my hand this time. I said it felt weird that we were going to make a baby and not even be touching. LOL!  I had very mild cramping for the next few hours but I'm convinced the little fellas were put in the right spot so its all worth it.

The best news is that I still have a few more follies (14mm, 15mm, and 17mm) that might be ov soon so...he's going to do another IUI ( IUI#2 (b) on Friday!!! Wahoo! One of those little eggies is bound to be found, right? Well, I'll hope for the best. The odds looks good at least.

I'm to continue the Es.trace orally and vaginally up until the positive preg test (his words!) although my lining was looking good at 9mm yesterday.

The hubs told me not to get my hopes up. He doesn't want to see me upset like I was at the last bum IUI. I just don't know if I can not be excited. I will probably be horribly crushed if this doesn't work but who wouldn't be. Have any of you mastered keeping your excitement at bay??? I'd love to hear about it.

Anyway, hopefully we'll have some more ripe follies Friday for a higher chance of a BFP this cycle. Fingers crossed...lots of prayers.

Update: My BFF's baby boy was taken off the ventilator yesterday because he was able to breathe on his own once again. He's down to a half a liter of O2 (from four full liters) so we're feeling encouraged. Thanks for your prayers.

Yikes...sorry this post is so long. I had a lot on my mind.

MIA...mentally and physically

Sorry I've been MIA for a while. My best friend's 12 week old is in the hospital. He's been in ICU for two weeks. There's been lots of tests and treatments, and tears and needles, poor guy!  We are unable to see him because of the chance of infecting him with something worse than he already has. We were able to see my besty and her husband this weekend while his mom stayed with the baby but while they were gone, there was drama with his IV and we had to rush back. Today I heard that he also has a massive virus that may take his life. I hate that I can't be with them (not that I could do anything for them) and I hate that I can't fix it. Anyway, please lift that family up in prayer. They've endured SO much in the last few weeks and there's still soooo much more ahead of them. It just breaks my heart. That's what's been on my mind while I haven't been posting.

I did have my RE appointment last week. It was kind of anticlimactic for me because of all the more serious stuff on my mind with the besty's family. I told him, as I prepared to be violated by the vag wand, that I hadn't been having any of the cramps and back aches that I'd had on the last Clo.mid cycle. He said that wasn't good and he hoped I had some good follies anyway. So...he measured seven follies!  Wahoo!!! Turns out my body just did its job without the unnecessary cramps and aches. SCORE! We have two lead follies at 15mm and 16mm, one on each side. The right ovary is my little overachiever (she was on the last Clo.mid cycle too.) She has four follies, the left side has three. My cervical lining was pretty thin though so I'm on Es.trace orally in the morning and va.ginally at night. That's so much fun! {insert sarcasm here} That Es.trace makes me crazy nauseous too. I'm expected to ovulated tomorrow but we'll see. Two months ago, I had to trigger. We're hoping I do ov tomorrow though, that would mean that we can do the IUI Wednesday morning. The hubs is unavailable Thursday (which would be IUI day if I do have to trigger tomorrow) so the RE said he may just rely on inter.course instead. And, yeah, since that's worked so well for the last year, I'd rather do the IUI. We'll see tomorrow.